So much for the city.... and now for the rest...

So much for the city, as sang the Thrills one day in the past (class album).

So much for the city of Bham, which was brought back to me today. At 730am. You think you're away for months, and then you find you're sharing your breakfast with West Brom v Blues. So i had to watch. For a while at least, because by half time John Gregory's voice was beginning to annoy me. Where is big Ron?.. I'm sorry for the result Scribbles, but our lot will be pleased - well apart from Steve! I enjoyed hearing fans singing songs too (just doesnt happen at the baseball, but i will return to this another day..) Most predictable song? 'feed the Horse and he will score'. Best chant? 'There's only one Emile Heskey, one Emile Heskey, he used to be shite, but now he's alright, walking in a Heskey wonderland" (to Canadian readers, no these chants dont make any sense in UK English either). The Heskey one not quite as good as what the Blues sang at the Albion last season.. "Oh i'd rather be a speedboat than Kanu"

So much for the city of Toronto. Its great, a massive metropolis where you can do anything you want. Museums, shopping, yachting, theatre, sightseeing... its all here, even a private airport on the waterfront if you want to view the skyline from the air.... Its the 5th biggest conurbation in N America though, and sometimes the skyscrapers and taxis and neon lights could be any other big city...

So the time has come for further exploration. Which started on Thursday as I drove my Toyota Corolla hatchback (shit off a shovel - fantastic - never did get 150 out of the P309, was too afraid of the noises!) up highway 400 towards Orangeville, which must be pushing 100km north west of the city, and went for a firm away day!

To Hockley Valley. And it was brilliant. The day itself i'll come to.. loads to do, loads to see.

But the best part of this was realising what is outside of the GTA. You can drive for an hour and still basically be in Toronto. And most of my work is Toronto based - after all there are 5m people in Greater Toronto, and only 30m in Canada in total, so you can fool yourself into thinking this is what its like. It is a big part of what its like, but oh there's so much more...

For example, about 70 - 80km into my trip (see how cocky I've got, just jumping into the car and driving now!) I got to highway 9. Culture shock 1. A single lane road! What the hell was i expecting? i dont know, but even Yonge St where i live, which is just the equivalent of Harborne high st after all, is a 6 laner!

So i was single lane driving for a few miles, then had to turn to the north again - onto more country roads. The houses are all set way way back from the road (so far in fact that i didnt see any..), and what was on the side of the roads? Their post boxes. I've only ever really seen these things in the simpsons, and in Back to the Future when Marty in 1955 crashed into the farm on his first arrival there, and the farmer pulled the shotgun out and, while aiming for the delorean (please, Lord, stop me!) hit this old outdoor mailbox instead of the car. Does anyone else even know what I'm talking about? Tell you what, next time I'll take a photo.. But anyway, i've never seen one in real life. Quite exciting. I really need to get out more.

Hockley Valley is a hilly area full of trees. And so, although i had seen a few trees in North York, (i cant complain, its green enough for a city), this was just trees as far as you could see, which, from the top of the hills, was miles. Beautiful.... i think i know where i'm bringing people for fall, and there's definitely potential for a good couple of pictures out there.... even if I am taking them!! (and no, i havent bought the digi camera yet and yes, i will go out and get one! Before Serena gets here on 29th sep..)

It was funny. getting 100km out of the city, me and Catherine (another UK secondee) said that this felt like 'the real Canada'... or perhaps just what we were hoping to see while we were here..

The away day? How much fun do you think it can be being away as a group of 200 auditors?! Dont answer that!

I played golf. 18 holes. My vital statistics? Well i was given 3 firm logo'd golf balls on the 1st tee, and i'd lost them by the 3rd... as a group, 3 of us were very 'amateur'. OK. Shit. And between us we had 24 balls. That we finished with 4 was really only down to how many we found on our rounds! Who was most to blame???!! No comment. But i should point out, just to compound my personal humiliation, that there were no water traps or bunkers on holes 1 to 17. On the 18th i managed to lose 2 balls! One off my t shot (that was almost standard by then!) and then, having taken a free drop 160 yards from the green (what do you mean, where is that in the rules?!) i managed to find the one water trap. Which was ok, except the one water trap isnt protecting either the fairway or the green, its a pond 40 yards to the right of the course! Got a good spectacular splash on the way in though.. The poor 'real' golfer did his best to retain his humour. To be fair, he kept his cool fairly well. And his humour. As Raymond smashed another 200+ yard t shot way out to the right, he pointed out "thats ok. thats landed out way right just on the golf cart track - we can pick it up as we drive past"...

We played family feud in teams - and we won, which got me a $25 LCBO gift card. For the all but one of you who dont know what that is, its beer vouchers!

For the all but one of you who presumably dont know what family feud is, its the N American family fortunes. "we asked 100 people...". All that lark. The Canadians wanted to know whether it was Canadians or Yanks that were asked. Not that either would have helped our team of 5, 2 of which were English. We could have got the "Name something a mother needs for her young baby.." Diper, pacifier. I'd have been there all night!! Nappy. Dummy. At least huggies is huggies for all you young parents out there..

Our winning question was 'name something the police look for to solve a crime.' We were the 'stealing' team. Thank you CSI, thats all i can say. You had everyone looking for saliva, hairs, DNA, fingerprints, blood. Everything except 'witnesses'. Get in. Now to find time to spend the $25!

We also had various entertainment provided for us, one of which was a guitar player singing songs. This tempted me to want to play, although i (wisely) avoided it.. but having been tempted, i went out today and got myself a 95% canadian wild cherry and maple wood guitar. $300. Looks fantastic. Even struck a deal with the seller that if i didnt want to keep it if i went home, then he would buy it back off me. Bargain.

So the option is there for me to busk my way round Canada! Starting with Niagara falls, where i am spending the next week, then i am off to Algonquin national park to go canoeing and hiking next Saturday for Labour day weekend, then off to Ottawa and Montreal the following week... its such a big country. Time to explore a bit!

Whats in a name?

One of the nice things about here is the wide diversity of cultures you can see all around you. Toronto sells itself as one of the most culturally diverse cities in the world, and with all the range of peoples, festivals and suburbs, its easy to see why. Having talked about the Caribbean and Greek festivals over recent posts should give some indication of some of this diversity, and a walk through the town, or a scan of the map of downtown Toronto will reveal a Norwegian park, little Italy, little Portugal, a German speaking parish in the St Patricks area of University Avenue, as well as something like 5 China towns in various parts of the locality.

There are many familiar place names for the people back home, places like London, York, Scarborough, Newmarket and Cambridge all to be seen on the Southern Ontario map. But there is an intriguing mix of our history, together with the history of the land some of our forefathers arrived in centuries ago. So alongside our familiar names, you have names like Mississauga, Etobicoke, Oshawa whose origins may not be quite as clear to us.

Of course, when you're at home, it is easy to take things for granted. I really have no idea why Peterborough is called Peterborough, although at a guess, given the city motto of 'upon this rock', i would expect that it has something to do with its placing on an area of solid land within the marshlands of eastern England (Peter - from the latin rock, and Borough, meaning town?). There is some homework for one of you. This is probably a theme for the east of England, as my place of birth Ely (pronounced Eee - lee for those who have never heard of it!) was known formerly as "isle of Ely" i believe, possibly for similar reasons...

But i digress. Except to demonstrate that the places I go to and visit, be it Stamford, Dogsthorpe, Harborne, Bearwood, Edgbaston, Westwood, Birmingham, Hampton... I've no idea where they get their names from.

In Canada however, i did wonder where the name Peterborough came from, and whether there was any link with my home town (basically looking for an excuse to drive the 150km to visit!). I was disappointed!! No link with my Peterborough whatsoever! However, as a small moment of education, this is the history of just a couple of the place names for you. As ever, sharing entertainment and education for you all!

Peterborough, Ont

In 1818, Adam Scott settled on the west shore of the Otonobee River. The following year he begins construction of a sawmill and gristmill, establishing the area as Scott's Plains.
1825 marked the arrival of 2,000 Irish immigrants from the city of Cork. In 1822, the British Parliament had approved an experimental emigration plan to transport poor Irish families to Upper Canada. The scheme was managed by Peter Robinson, at the time a politician in York (present-day Toronto). Scott's Plains was re-named Peterborough in his honor.
In 1845, Sandford Fleming, inventor of Standard Time and designer of Canada's first postage stamp, moved to the city to live with Dr. John Hutchison and his family, staying until 1847. Dr. John Hutchison was one of Peterborough's first resident doctors.
Peterborough is incorporated as a town in 1850 (population 2,191).

Oshawa, Ont

Oshawa is a city on Lake Ontario located 56 kilometres east of downtown Toronto. The city of Oshawa started out as a transfer point for the fur trade. Furs were loaded onto canoes by the Mississauga Indians at the Oshawa harbour and transported to the trading posts located to the west at the mouth of the Credit River. The name Oshawa originates from the Seneca natives term for "Crossing of a stream".

Mississauga, Ont

Mississauga is 15km to the west of downtown Toronto. Archaeological findings suggest that Native people have lived in this area for thousands of years. One of the Native groups found around the Credit River was called the Mississaugas. The Europeans called the area where the Mississaugas lived the "Mississauga Tract".

Etobicoke, Ont

Etobicoke is the borough to the west in Toronto. The name "Etobicoke" was derived from the Mississauga word wah-do-be-kang, meaning "place where the black/wild alders grow", which was used to describe the area between Etobicoke Creek and the Humber River.

York, Ont and London, Ont

The Province of Upper Canada was created under the Constitutional Act of 1791. John Graves Simcoe was the first lieutenant governor of Upper Canada. Simcoe's first priority was to establish a provincial government. The first meeting of the nine-member Legislative Council and sixteen-member Legislative Assembly took place at Niagara on the lake on September 17, 1792.
Simcoe soon realized that Niagara made an unsuitable capital because it was right on the US border and subject to attack. He proposed moving the capital to a more defensible position the middle of Upper Canada's southwestern peninsula. He named the new location London and renamed the river as the Thames in anticipation of the change.
The Governor-General, Lord Dorchester, rejected this proposal but accepted Simcoe's second choice of Toronto. Simcoe moved the capital to Toronto in 1793 and renamed the location York after Frederick, Duke of York, George III's second son.

End of history lesson! Ever wondered why your town/city is called what it is? There's some inspiration for hopefully someone out there!

The Bank of Canada - (possibly not) a true story

Any similarity to actual events is purely coincidental! I just stuck it in because it said Canada in it!

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money.She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money, eh?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets, eh?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure. There was absolutely no way his balls were square and he would definitely win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president,"$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer, eh?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

Bet it was sunny in Manchester....

Glad i wasnt driving this.......

Cant beat a nice summer's day in Toronto... 

To Ontario's motorists-an apology

No Elisa! I didnt crash!!

But, having now developed enough knowledge of where i am going to simply get on with driving, i have begun to pay more attention to the way people drive round here. And i've said it plenty of times in the past week to the Europeans i meet around here. The standard of driving on the 401 is appalling. Really shit. You've got 8 lanes, and people using both inside and outside as the fastest, overtaking intentionally on whatever side they like, and - this is the really annoying bit - they come to within 3 feet of your arse, and if you try and leave a gap - f*#k the 2 second rule, i defy anyone to leave 0.2 seconds at 730 in the morning - some twat fills it. Rant over.

So here's the apology. In by far the worst visibility i have ever seen (well, i couldnt see, but you know what i mean!), whilst a tornado, flash floods and thunderstorms came down on the 401 this afternoon, people had the sense to drop to 20 to 30 kmh, and gently work through the river below them. Water was about a foot deep in parts, and the rain was horizontal. Pics dont really tell the story.

One comment though: North America. You need to fit fog lights to your vehicles. If cars can see each other, they are (probably!) less likely to smack into one another.

I returned to North York to find bit of trees on roads, and the 5th floor of our block of flats flooded, with water dripping down to ground level, and power out in the surrounds. Luckily, I'm on the 11th, and all is dry. I got an email from my mate Sharon to say her flat was flooded and she has had to move in with her landlord.

Got another email from Szilvia to tell me that we might not bother with the canoeing in Algonquin the weekend after next, and did I fancy white water rafting instead? Having white watered the 401 this afternoon, anything else should be a breeze....

Quiz for Becca

OK. I'm normally too lazy to do these quizzes but here is one. Esp for Becca, who sent it to me (not with these answers I might add).

Most noteworthy event today was organising a 3 day trip to Algonquin (no idea how to pronounce that but it is in Canada!) which will be the September holiday weekend (yet another bank holiday!). I'll write more tomorrow.. any advice on how to get these pictures in the right place (i actually wanted it to appear beside my name, so i messed that up!) please drop a line!


1.When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?
My 'hair'

2. How much cash do you have on you right now?
I have credit cards. No need for cash. Where do you think I am? Peterborough?

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
Breast - i'm male dont forget!

4. Favourite plant? Do not understand the question

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Have only had 2 calls since I left UK on June 28 (sob!)

6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?
A distant memory

7. What shirt are you wearing?
Lions 2005 NZ tour

8. Do you "label" yourself?
Skinhead thug/CBC... in certain contexts maybe. In general? No.

9. Name brand of your shoes currently wearing?
Lonsdale trainers (or trainees / sneakers for those speaking a different strain of the mother tongue)

10. Do you prefer a bright or dark room?Bright at work. Dark to sleep

11. What did you have for breakfast?
2 cinnamon things and a coffee from Tim Hortons

12. Since question 12 is weirdly missing, make some shit up.
Give me a litre of milk, 4 weetabix, a banana and a couple of glasses of orange.. and a few hours. Been working fairly well so far this week.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Watching the Jays win 4-1 in Anaheim

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say?
Something along the lines of 'the way this is going i can see us losing this' (from the cricket on Monday)

15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?
no

16. What's an expression that you say a lot?
'Get in' - when things are good
'B*ll*cks' - when things arent good.

Both mostly in work context

17. Who told you they loved you last?
I have no idea.... (sob!)

18. Last furry thing you touched?
Any particular type of 'furry'?! (stop it Brian!). My towel is fluffy, does that count?

19. How many hours a week do you work?From 40 to 70 depending.. about 50 at the moment

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
so, so many, at least 2 films. And 2 disposable cameras from here. I need Sara and Lorraine to nag me.

21. Favourite age you have been so far?
21 was fairly good. But every year brings new fun, memories and opportunity. I like to think i'll look back at 29 as being pretty special

22. Your worst enemy?
I dont make enemies.

23. What is your current desk top picture?
Not got one. Not allowed one at home so never learned how!

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
I'll be finishing by 12 tonight too (i'm at work)

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to go back in time and fix all your mistakes which would you choose?
The money. Not just because I am a money grabber. But also because the mistakes were the things that got me where i am today. Why get rid of that?

OK - here goes nothing 

Quote of the day...

First in a series of.... we'll see.

"Some people achieve happiness, and some just live, in Toronto." ~ Emily G. Murphy, former Alberta judge & writer aka Janey Canuck.

I'm thinking the commas could be crucial in how you read that! For more Canadian quotes, see the new link. Nice little site.

Work sweet work..

So I am 2 days in to my new job in Oshawa. And I will be at this job until the end of October.. So an opportunity to get to know a new town (about 60 km away), find some new places along the way, and 'improve' my driving. I am doing 120km+ a day on the 401 now. I fear for the road users back home when i start undertaking on the hard shoulder at 130 (thats kmh not mph!) to try and slalom in and out of traffic. Oh well, i'm here now, so might as well settle in as a local. Everyone else is doing it.

Hired a Dodge Neon to drive about. Like every other car i've driven since i got here, it has the obligatory deep holes for takeaway coffee cups. And the adverts positively encourage you to use them. While you're driving too. There is an advert running (for Moores trousers) where a guy spills his coffee down his trousers while he's driving. In the UK, thats 60 quid and 3 points. (if youre caught i guess!) In Canada, thats 'accidents will happen. Luckily Moores sells pants from $39...' I have so far resisted the urge to drive and drink coffee at the same time. But you can see why people can do it here, I mean, when you dont have to change gear or anything else, what else can you do with your spare hand - and yes, I am assuming that all people just drive one handed! Personally, i find that playing rock music loudly, 'singing' to it, and using aforementioned spare hand for drumming on the outside of the drivers door works too! My challenge is to pass this habit on to some locals. I am learning their habits at the same time. This mornings habit? Tim Hortons coffee and doughnut for breakfast. Mmmmm.

Work for me at the moment is the authorisation of price changes in shops. How dull? Well possibly. But the idea is this. Imagine the guy working at HMV's counter can override the bar code, and sell you the cd for a quid? How can you make sure (if you own the business) that it doesnt happen, and your workers dont fleece you? Well, i dont know, clearly! Thats computers job! But i am testing the processes to make sure they work and that we can report that price files are safe and secure.

Part of today involved waiting for a faxed confirmation from another location of the people that had access to the price systems. (The department I am in at the moment is the one responsible for receiving and dealing with all price queries - hence the link with the testing) I got a shout to say the fax had arrived. The first line was hand written - 'You people can ""ck your price increases, we'll sell them for what we want'. Nice. The guy even wrote ""ck rather than some similar equivalent, presumably to spare my feelings! Not sure whether thats going on my audit file yet, or in a collection for future careers advice to aspiring accountants... in fact I'm not sure whether it was for me at all! Hey, I'm an auditor, i've come to expect the abuse!

Plenty of interesting place names on route.. Oshawa, Durham, Pickering, Ajax.... i may do a blog on the history of some of the names here, purely for educational purposes you understand!

In a further random can size finding, it turns out Pepsi co are 355ml here, while Coke are 341. Again, no idea why. Carton orange juice from the supermarket comes in 1.89 litre cartons. All v random. OK, the prize fund is now $5. (Or a Toronto souvenir!) Anyone got any clues?

And just to leave you thinking, rather than bored, a question for you. Inspired by one of the visitors to this site, who has managed to use the word 'sangria' so often that if you type it in to search engines, her blog comes up. Thats pretty impressive! Possibly even an improvement on the German presentation i gave in March. When i typed 'Nordrheinwestfalen' (thats the state in Germany I used to live in) into google, the first hit was "Koln call girls - Geile Schlampen". I think 'call girls' makes it clear, Geile Schlampen just provides emphasis.

So whats the most random hit/site you've found on your searches?...

Canada Dry - well mostly.... summary of last week

Actually last week was possibly the wettest since i have been here.. with the flow of water coming from everywhere from the sky to, well, my eyes. The procedure suitably successful, i was recovered by Friday morning. Thursday night on the train was my sole moment of potential embarrassment - "mommy. whys that man crying?" Joy.

All better by friday, but I missed the baseball. Apparently the Tornadoes failed to blow and were killed off 26-13. Riveting stuff i am sure. Still, i have been earmarked to play in a game over the coming weeks, so i may not have escaped entirely. Its a weird game with some weird rules... but that's for another post.

The best thing about this country is that there are tiny differences that, when you think about them, are actually funny. My driving not being one of them! But i am still getting a laugh out of trying to understand the Canadian for bin liners or cling film....

What you forget, is that the locals are getting the same laugh out of you. For example, i have commented on this blog that it is going to be very cold in a few months time, and, given the appearance of rain, I thought a preliminary search for a coat would be in order... so i went to Eaton centre and Don Mills, but couldnt find much evidence of winter coats... i thought i'd leave it, and went back to work... and thought i'd ask the receptionist.

It was 29 degrees, and with humidex felt like 36. In this context, you can perhaps understand her sheer confusion when i asked where i might go shopping for a winter coat. Staring blankly for a split second, her reply was short, and totally to the point. 'Are you cold? I would have thought coming from England you would be hot in this weather...' Yeah thanks. She reminded me that Canada has 'seasons' and that, when the appropriate season arrives, I will be surrounded by plenty of coats! How thick did I feel? Well never mind.. She is right though. Why sell coats now? Its not been below 30 for basically 2 months, so why would you want one. Canadian Common sense 1-0.

Of course, some times you just put your own foot in it too. On Friday, at the end of a hard week, the whole team and client went out for lunch together, choosing an English pub to go to. All in my honour. I was touched. But instead of being flattered and then just getting on with it and ordering a sandwich, when the guys decided they were sitting down for a meal, i thought i'd get something cooked.... so i ordered bangers and mash. Cue volume from the client:

"BANGERS AND MASH? GET OUTTA HERE! You dooonnnnttt sayyy... it had to be bangers eh?"

The waitress got her 2 cent worth in - 'well i was expecting either bangers or roast beef or shepherds pie or fish and chips..... or curry. You have that in England too, dont you?'

Oh well. They got a laugh. My pleasure. I am here to be ridiculed!

My drink for lunch was Canada dry. Its a ginger ale. In fact, I'm sure we have it at home, although not in the 2 litre diet bottles i saw at the client this week... its fairly unremarkable stuff, but got to be tried when you are here eh? (sorry, Canadianism coming out..)

Canada Dry sells itself on the label, in English and French, as 'the champagne of ginger ales'. Now, that is brave talk, especially in a francophone country. The Quebecois are definitely not French. If they were, they would never accept the word champagne being linked with anything else... and certainly not a fizzy pop.

It got me thinking though. The champagne of ginger ales. Hardly a compliment is it? Like the 'Peter Cech of sunday league keepers', The "Harley Davison of electric bikes", the 'Pepsi of panda pops'.... i am sure some of you can come up with things significantly better..

Speaking of Pepsi - my random Canadian finding of the week is that the standard drink can here is 341ml. Theres a $1 prize for anyone who can explain why?

And random fact picked up while having time to read on the train all week - Birmingham City did not win once in the reign of Pope John Paul I nor in the course of either of the conclaves before or after. Would have been topical a couple of months back, but will interest at least a couple of you...

Next week Oshawa...

So what do YOU think of the Yanks?

I havent really got round to asking this question yet... but there was an awful lot of ill feeling knocking around the office on Friday morning. Most of it caused by the Lumber dispute (i'd not heard of this, and when i googled it I realised i didnt know how to spell LUMBER properly either!)

I didnt come here to compare the Canadians with their southern cousins. It doesnt do this country any justice to sit and compare their relative attributes. Besides, well over 2/3 of the population here live within 150 km of the US border (Toronto for example has a US border to the east, west and south), so they know the things that are similar... and the things that arent.

The lumber dispute is 3 or 4 years old (see link), and goes like this. The Americans are scared that Canadian businesses are selling wood cheaper - both countries are part of the NAFTA (which is the local equivalent of the original EEC or EFTA). So in theory businesses can trade freely across borders. Not liking this, the Yanks crank a 29% tax on the importation of Canadian wood, to make it more expensive for US companies to buy and use Canadian wood. The Canadians pay the taxes and challenge the issues in court, win, win again, and then win a third time. At which point the tax charged has come to $5bn. The US then decides its not going to return the taxes the courts have deemed have been deducted illegally, but will try and seek a settlement. Bully its way out? You decide!

Do the Canadians like Americans? Probably. Do the Canadians like America? Probably as much as we do. Now and again the US just seems to annoy people. Besides, whats the point of going through the courts process, if you are just going to ignore what they say... the danger of that is that, today it might just be wood or steel, but tomorrow it might be the UN, and Iran, and nuclear testing and.... (sorry, politics at this level is for hard core bloggers like Scribbles!!). But if a country is going to be moral, it really has also to be SEEN to be moral, particularly by its own allies... which means ACTING morally when required to do so.

So today i may have taught all but one of you about a lumber dispute you werent aware of... but look at it another way. In the highly fashionable current climate of seeking an end to global poverty, how hard will it be for the developing world, if the EU is struggling to agree on its own financing (i assume we are still fighting the French for our EU subsidies), and the US cant deal with the loss of US $1bn a year to its nearest neighbour.

But i shall end this here, and return to more jovial topics in future. Like my driving. I am off for 2 weeks in Oshawa starting monday, so i am away now to rent a car....

Taking the experience of Canada too far...

thats me tomorrow... for although i had every intention of sharing as much about life in Canada in as many facets as I could with you all, assuming anyone is still reading (!), I didnt intend it to include a comparison of the healthcare systems between the countries. Not yet anyway!

But anyway, having been in tears since Monday and not really remembering anything too emotional that might have contributed to this, except for the fact that i'm a bean counter and i look like a skinhead thug, it turns out that my tears were being caused by a piece of metal wedged in my eye. Agony. F&*king thing.

So tomorrow im off to the docs to have it removed! If suitably impressed/depressed by whole occasion, may share more.

On the other hand, may choose instead to tell you about the baseball match i'm supposed to play in tomorrow night. Mississauga Mavericks v Toronto North Tornadoes. Inter office baseball. God help us. I'm going to treat the opposition, and the game, with all the respect it deserves. Given my eye treatment, and the fact it'll be covered up, I'm going as a pirate! Even seen the eye patch i'm going to get in the dollar store back home. It'll amuse me, if no one else. Will try my best to get photos of this! Far more interesting than the CN tower - you can get them on the net!

The joy of language.

My mate Tim is also experiencing the outside world long term, having just arrived to teach in North Carolina. He has just sent me his first email to say how he is getting on. Hopefully a smile for one or two of you. Having only had the chance to ask one person here what it means (she's from Hong Kong and thinks it means 'shake your Ricki Martins or bum bums' - how nice )perhaps any Canadians would like to explain if they can relate to this humour. Well, if not, you've at least learned a new word. And it could be worse. The Germans think that Shag is tobacco. Weird people.

From tim:


"The columbians here performed a dance for us and the big wigs from VIF and some of the principles who had also come to the dinner. Anyway, the big cheese congratulated them and said that all they need to do now is learn how to shag!!! well, the brits and aussies fell around laughing - turns out the 'shag' is a type of dance! how funny"

A warning to the road users of Toronto.....

Some people out there, I'm thinking in particular Laura and Elisa here, seem to think that my tales of driving have been hilarious. Not there's much laughing when they are passengers and i'm driving, its got to be said. Laura broke into a cold sweat when i tried to park her brand new MR2, and hey, squeaking steering wheels were the least of your worries when travelling in my P309.. Maybe if i work hard, earn lots of money or commit a decent sized accounting fraud between now and new year, my next car will have air bags! You'll be safer then..

Which may be more than can be said for the users of highway 401. But at least i am comforted in knowing that this particular road is allegedly (thats my way of saying i read it on a web page, but cant provided 'audited' proof - see. obsessed with job too!) the busiest in N America, with 400,000 vehicles using it a day. Add 1. Me. I'm now legal. God help them.

It was a good chance to see bureaucracy here and compare it with home. You see, the good people of Canada look at a UK driving licence, see you've had it 2 years, and decide they'd love to give you one of their licences. I'm not sure who decided that particular policy, but you get the impression it wasn't Joe Public. When i told one of the girls in the office on Friday i'd got my Canadian drivers licence (note intentional change of wording for local licence) she said 'congratulations. how did you find the test having to go on the wrong side of the road?' "Err, i didnt. They just gave me it." "and are you planning on driving soon?"... She wont be on the road to Oshawa next Monday. Clever girl.

Queueing up for the licence was pretty much like queueing at home. Except, instead of the 'one size fits all' butchers counter ticket approach that is used everywhere from GNER P'boro railway station to blood test centres to the passport office, they have come up with a 'fair' queueing system - not based on consecutive service, but on what you need doing. After all, if 90 of you only need to be there 30 seconds, fair to have them going through one system, rather than being held up by that awkward customer.. we've all been there. Particularly at New Street I find. Or maybe thats just me?

So basically you tell them why you're there, and you get categorised into one of 6 queues, ranging from A to F. Potentially the only flaw in the system? They dont tell you who is currently being served (or which of the 11 counters is serving them) in each of the A to F categories. So i stood there for about 45 mins like a prize muppet, seeing C12 become C38, safely assuming that at some point it would become D1! (I think i was D2). Then it all got f*cked up when a row of C's was interrupted by A8. You see, i only found out about this ingenious system once i had worked it out!!! Other boards were servicing the other letters! Oh well. I know for next time!

The 'test' part involved explaining why i had 3 different commencement dates on my UK licence. (i'd never noticed!). And an eye test. She told me to look into what look liked the kind of tourist binoculars you see at the seaside. 'Read that back to me." "err S? 3, 2, 9, 8, 7" "What was the first one?" "Er S? 5?" OK. now i'll put another one up. what does this say? '5,3,2,9...er wait a minute?' 'And what about the last numbers?"

I got three more views of the same set of numbers! Oh well. I can see fairly well. And lets face it, it could easily be the UK test, where they ask you to look at a number plate in the road. 'Can i read that number plate? Yeah its XXX YYY.' 'And where is the car you will be using for your test sir?' "Ummm. its XXX YYY over here." Anyone else see the flaw in that?!

So then i had a picture taken. Not sure what it looks like, they dont let you turn up with your own. But it cant look any worse than my passport photo, or Mr Not Anonymous's for that matter. In 3 weeks i'll have a 'real' licence, for now they've given me some scrap of paper. I assume its legal, but it wouldnt surprise me if when i go to hire (sorry, RENT) a car this weekend, they look at me and laugh. There is always that gullible streak there...

So licence exchanged in 45 mins queueing and 20 mins activity time. Painless. Quite impressed. And all v simple.

Then again, maybe we shouldn't accept or expect such easy exchanges. When i was explaining to the girl that i hadnt taken a test, i was telling her the other side was weird, 'but not quite as weird as turning right through red lights..'

'Dont you do that at home?' No. Anyone got any idea how many North Americans are currently driving round Europe?.. Dont have nightmares!

Actually, although the Canadians give UK drivers a licence, the UK doesnt return the favour. Except for an automatic one. Which isnt a great deal of use for most of our cars. So getting a licence may well not quite be so easy the other way. But there's plenty of time to worry about that. For the meantime, i've got enough worries just driving around here... not to mention the locals worries about bumping into me on the roads... Hmmm, an unfortunate phrase to finish on!

The world of Blog

Firstly i must apologise for my increased laziness. There is (and will continue to be) a correlation between my working time needs and my blogging time needs - not forgetting my drinking time needs and my exploring time needs... but yes, as work gets more involved, I will be less and less on here. After all, i may only have 30 mins surfing time, and it will take that to stare at the BBC sport page and actually believe that, for only the 2nd time since 1987, England have won a 'live' test match against the Aussies...

The world of Blog though is excellent. You should all take the odd 10 mins to surf around. Its scarily easy. I'm really only blogging because i promised my mate Scribbles that i would. She is the only blogger i've met. in March i'd never even heard of blogging. And i've only got 2 blogs linked to here - Scribbles herself, and Martini, a local (ish) girl who found my website - God knows how like, but presumably in the same way as people find people.

Its set up here to find people. On our profiles you fill in interests. Mine include Peterborough. It will surprise none of you to know that no one else in the blogosphere gives a monkeys about my home town! On the other hand, there are 9 bloggers that like German beer! Clearly, my interest base will have to increase if my limited web site time is to include making friends on line. I still havent got a clue what a chat room is, or where to find one. (Although i suppose something like www.posh.net is a chat room type thing. They'll be whining on there again today....)

Today, however, I found an internal auditor blog site! Wow. There's even detail about what the job entails. Fantastic. I'm not linking it to here (face it, none of you fancy internal audit) but i am saving it as a personal bookmark on my laptop. Might help me if i decide on a career change!

Have a 15 min play from time to time. You might just find something interesting.

Enjoying Greece, beer or cricket.. decisions decisions

It was a tough call last year. About September/October time, turning down the guaranteed Edgbaston tickets that regular purchase offers when you go every year to the test... my mate 'not anonymous' has been with me the past couple of years, and even he is going next week... i was thinking 'no, dont need the tickets, i'll be in Canada'. Actually i didnt know where i'd be, but it was a step towards making it happen. Today, for the first time, i sort of wondered whether i might have liked to have been with 20,000 barmy army followers watching Harmison bowl Clarke, or Freddie hit his 4th six.

Instead, i've got 30 degrees, that feels like 30 (rather than 40!) and is beautiful. And the 'taste of the Danforth', which is a parade through the Danforth Avenue of Toronto, where the Greek district is. Caribana last week was the biggest financially, generating $300m of overall city revenues for the tourist industry and hotels. This one though... 1 million people walking through the road over 2 afternoons and evenings - and all the souvlaki you can think of eating!

The Greeks are making a killing too. Ever wondered what happens to the leftover 'souvenirs' after Euro 2004, Euro 96, the olympics, whatever? Well. there are Greek shops here making a killing because the entire area are selling football shirts commemorating Euro 2004, and (hey while you're at it) selling Athens 2004 stuff, and even Eurovision 2005 posters! Did you know that Greece had won the Eurovision?! You do now! The shops are heaving. I may well join the party. They have a rather fetching shirt with 'football is my game' written on it, and hey, its in royal blue. That'll do nicely! $20 well wasted.

This is like the Harborne carnival for anyone who has been there. But a brilliantly larger scale version. Free concerts provided on the Scotia Bank stage, and the kids can play hockey for free in the Maple leafs tent, as well as hone their basketball skills with the Raptors, their baseball skills with the Bluejays and their quarterback skills with the Argonauts. Its free, and all the 5 year olds are taking part. You definitely wouldnt get such open generosity from Blues and Villa at the Harborne carnival.

If the carnival doesnt take your fancy, or even if it does, you have until midnight both nights to enjoy it. Even in the non humid nights, midnight temperatures are about 15, so it'll be pleasant.

And meanwhile, on the other side of town at Fort York, there is the Toronto Festival of Beer. 200 beers over 2 days and 20,000 visitors. Ok, so its not the Peterborough beerfest (still the largest in the UK?) but it'll provide some entertainment! Weirdly, shuts at 8 every night. But they are much more refined here when out on the town. I was out for 4 hours last night and only drank 4 Stellas - (yes i know thats 2 more than i can usually manage, but thats another matter!). I was out for 5 hours on Thursday night and only drank 4 beers too (can you see a pattern here?!). Maybe i'll be a pint an hour man when i get back. Hmmm. Maybe.

Socially, Friday was a quiet day in the office until midday when someone wandered past and saw cricket on my computer screen. "does Saeed Anwar still play?" came this Canadian accent. 'How on earth do you know him?' "oh, he broke the 1 day world record for a batsman...' It turns out Suzanne had spent time in India, where she had learned to appreciate the game. We continued our chat for 2 hours and when she left, a Jamaican lent over and said quietly.. ' So, you like cricket do you?!' Happy days!

I met up with a few people at 8 for a couple of beers, before the same Suzanne arrived at 10 to meet up with a couple of people who were there. After 90 minutes or so (a convenient number) she asked - "you never told me if you like soccer or not? My favourite players of all time were Pele, Paolo Rossi and Maradona"

With football and cricket fans about, i could well get used to living here....

Weather - Canada's favourite topic

And this should not be surprising. Given that it ranges from at least -40 to +40 in this country, weather is an important consideration.

Thunderstorms have been the topic of the last 24 hours. The accident at the airport was fortunately a piece of news to be digested and forgotten, rather than a human tragedy. The thunderstorms that caused it though were fantastic.

The thing about living here is its so hot and humid (i'll be reading this and weeping come winter!) that when it does storm, it comes down a treat. The weather forecasts are good too.

Yesterday for example, when they predicted storms, they warned people of 3 ways to avoid getting struck by lightening in the home - funny, i always thought you were safe! Silly me. Just in case you ever find yourself in a thunder storm at home, remember this:

1) Dont stare out of the window looking at it if your window frames have any metal in them. If the window is struck and you are within distance, you get struck too!

2) Dont go into the basement, which is presumably cellar. If the ground near your building gets struck, this could pass through the ground to you.

3) Dont use electrical appliances, in case the current passes through your electrical system...

Like a true muppet, i sat at my laptop staring at black skies out of the window yesterday afternoon. Luckily I was on 17th floor, so only pushing two thirds of my luck....

This weekend was a long weekend here - broadly there is one a month, and here in Toronto, there is a city event most weekends - this weekend was the 38th annual Caribana festival, where people from all over Toronto, North America and beyond celebrate the cultural heritage that the Carribean has brought to this part of Canada. This is the biggest individual event of the Toronto summer, bringing $300m into the local economy (thats 50 times the biggest error i have ever found in a set of accounts, but that is another matter!)

Everyone does something with their weekends here, whether it is a trip to the cottage, the local events, the Toronto islands. People get out and enjoy the weather. When I ask why, they look at me like I'm silly. 'Because its summer'. As if to emphasise the point, there is a commercial running on TV where a red leaf falls from the tree, as if signalling autumn, and the guy screams. The commentary - 'Summer wont last for ever'.

But the difference is what its like when its not summer. I've been told that 'when picking my first Canadian winter coat, there is no such thing as too thick'. Apparently in Winnipeg they come labelled 'good for -20, -40 etc'. Its just like the opposite of sun block. I'm also reliably informed that 'its never that bad in Toronto'. I can concur with that. The coldest recorded temperature in Toronto is apparently -31. Not that bad at all. Brrrrrrr.

Of course its colder up north and inland. Winnipeg is regularly colder, so i am told. In fact, according to one of the girls here, whose sister lives there, 'it gets so cold that if it drops to -44, the kids dont have to go to school'.

Something to remember on your cold winter walk to work this year!

One for Brian - from the BBC messageboards

For those of you who dont know, Bham suffered a Tornado last week. And the BBC suffered a sense of humour failure, removing a range of 'witty' comments that onlookers had posted on the message boards.

Yesterday there was an air escape here in Toronto, and the BBC somehow had a messageboard that locals here were posting to. Most of them were serious enough, but here is a nice lighthearted one.

" I live downtown and I was telling my wife that there is a smell of rubber or fuel - she said it was probably my BBQ. I heard that one of the passengers walked away from the crash and thumbed a ride on the 401! Just last month a huge ferry crashed in North Vancouver and nobody was injured either. Classic - only in Canada!" GCM, Toronto, Canada.