How to make money doing nothing..

There must be ways, right? The lottery? Bank robbery? (i hear the IRA have ceased fire again - any link with a bank robbery purely intentional..).

Well as a bean counter i am always on the look out for ways my clients make money that are easier than my current career choice. If you cant beat them, join them. Eh Rog?! Just kidding!

I am also a bit of a sucker for anything charitable. After 10 years working on a kids holiday, they are off tomorrow on another kids holiday and for the first time since 1995, i wont be playing any part in proceedings. Its a changing world there too. In 1996 we watched the olympics on TV. In 2002 the holiday coincided with the Commonwealth games, so i took a day off to watch athletes rather than children being ill on Drayton Manor's rides. By 2005, the current leader has raised the bar still further. Stuck with the agonising choice of getting his annual fix of charity work, or getting his fix of ashes cricket, the leader of this years holiday is finishing the holiday on Thursday, 2 days early, and going to the test (with half the holiday staff by the sound of it) on Friday. Just shows you. Being good doesnt have to cost anything! Good work Joe!

The charity link brings me to some UK colleagues who are doing a triathlon for the samaritans in Birmingham and Solihull, and who i really wanted to sponsor. But how on earth do you get the money there? I havent got a cheque book, the costs of a canadian to UK transfer far outweigh the charitable benefits (not so charitable after all am i?!). What i mean is, i dont care if i'm giving $1 or $100 (choice of currency so made because i dont have a pound sign!), i just want that money to go to the cause at which it was aimed, rather than HSBC ('other high street banks are available').

Enter paypal. I believe this is a useful medium for paying for goods and services received over the net. Can you really get 'services' over the net?.. thats a different matter. Clearly a lot of people think this is a useful addition to the modern armoury of internet options, as the website boasts that it has 71 million account holders across the world.

So i opened the account, linked my bank account to it, and hey presto, was ready to move cash to paypal for the purposes of transferring it to my chosen charity.

Then when i moved the cash, it said it would take 7 to 9 days to appear in my account. Nice. Out of HSBC now, and in oblivion for the next week or so.

Ever wondered what happens to that money? Well the money itself moves in an instant. So, for the next week, the service provider gets to keep that money, before giving it to you.

People are spending millions on ebay type things every day. So imagine how much money is in those collective accounts. But lets be conservative about it. say everyone has a pound in there. Thats 71 million in an electronic void somewhere. How much interest do you think you could earn if someone gave you 71 million and said they wanted it back in a weeks time? at 4% interest rates (low in the UK, but quite high here so we'll go with that) the annual interest would be 2.8 million. Thats 54 grand a week. So there is 54 grand potential just to run an internet bank for these people to shop on!

Now work out whether a pound is reasonable. I started with $60. What is the value of the average internet purchase? The money is sitting in someones account. You do the math.

Start a web site. Sell things on it and offer a payments page. And sit back and watch the money roll in... and make money doing nothing. Even a lottery ticket needs a walk to the shop. Why waste your breath?! And when you need tax advice on how to account for it..... my mate Rog will sort you out!

Todays number: 18

'brought to you by the letters T, B and by the no 18". (and no i'm not going to continue with this...)

Out on a boat cruise round Toronto harbour area last night with the firm, including dinner and all the free drink i could manage - was a good night, and hopefully have some photos, which will be my next plan for this page.

Having drunk til 130 on a rooftop bar near the harbour, got a (firm paid) taxi back and turned on my TV - no idea why - to see what was on. It was on the sports tv station going through the results of the nights baseball games.

Toronto Bluejays playing Los Angeles Angels. The game lasts 9 innings. Unless they draw. Then they play more innings until there is a winner. After 8 innings, the score was 0-0, but a flurry of activity presumably was responsible for the game being 'tied at 1 at the bottom of the 9th' as they say here.

Then a flurry of inactivity. The additional innings continued until the 18th innings, when Toronto scored a run to take a 2-1 lead. Since LA had already had their 18th bat, the game was over. The longest match in Bluejay history.

So there you go. 18 innings. EACH. And the score was 2-1. And thats not even home runs, thats just for people getting round the circle.... Sunday's game has got to be better than that surely...

Today's number 6 - and reality TV here and at home

"brought to you today by the letters T, V and by the number 6"

Todays number 6. As in Big Brother 6. And while big brother 6 enters its 10th week back in the UK, here in North America too Big Brother 6 is on. Its not plastered all over my TV (mainly because i spend my time watching Rogers sportsnet!) but may well be gripping households across Canada and the US in exactly the same way as the exploits of Nasty Nick, Davina and whoever they are (i havent seen it ok?!) are obsessing the Sun readers and Chris Moyles show listeners across the UK. And more of you besides. I've attached the US BB6 web link if any of you want to know whats going on there. Will keep you amused once your UK fix is over!

I feel wholly unqualified to comment on Big Brother 6 in the UK. I spent the few weeks at home basically drinking with anyone who would come to the pub, and have been here 4 weeks now. But i remember with some fondness wasting many evenings from 10 to 1030 listening to some geordie bloke "3 17 peee emmm. The house mates have been asleep for the last 16 hours...". Wasters.

However, notwithstanding the fact i have no idea what nasty BB has dealt up for this years wannabees, it has been an interesting experience watching some of what passes for reality TV over here. And by over here, i have to include the US as, in the main, the programmes are either wholly or at least mainly containing Americans rather than canadians. Hmmm. Maybe Canadians dont go in to reality TV? Except Canadian Antiques Roadshow. Have seen that on. I'm always just slightly disappointed by that show. The sadistic part just wishes that now and again, they would screen a conversation where they ask someone what they paid for the ugly porcelain thing, and they might say $20,000, to which the expert would reply 'sadly due to a brilliant copying scam we are unable to tell if these are genuine or fake any more so you will be lucky to get more than $250 for it..' Worth the licence fee to get 15 seconds of that a week surely?! (not that i am currently a licence fee payer..)

Anyway, just on the basis of a month here, 3 reality TV shows have jumped out at me which demonstrate some level of the gulf between them and us. Ok, so Canada has Canadian Idol, and those home development shows... and millionaire - and ours must be better as our million is worth twice as much as theirs! - but here are 3 things you wont see on reality TV in the UK on primetime.

1) The Agent
This one is 9 people, who week by week are eliminated in the quest to become the sports agent for Shaun Cody. Now I have no idea who Shaun Cody is, except that he is 6'4", 21 stone and plays American Football. But he is apparently good. I've seen him described as a 'small Richard Seymour'. Again, no idea who he is, but if 21 stone is small, and presumably thats before the padding, god help anyone meeting Mr Seymour on the pitch.

The key to this show is the prize. And its to be the agent for this guy presumably for his NFL career. He is expected to be a 2005 1st round draft pick (apparently this is good!). His first contract will therefore be Beckham-esque. These guys are on literally millions a year. Some guy called Smith just signed a 6 year extension for the 49ers for $49m.

Being conservative, his first 5 year deal is likely to be around $15m. And if you are the agent, you are going to be on 10 to 20% of that. This is serious prize money. They are saying that if Shaun picks the wrong agent (no public voting here, Shaun chooses) it could cost him $20 or $30m! And his agent their cut!

That prize money just blows us away. And more to the point, can you imagine Becks, Gerrard, Amir Khan, Paula Radcliffe, Jenson Button ever opening themselves to this kind of TV show?

Even better, if you can blag winning that one (and apparently some of these 'agents' have no experience in looking after players!), you're made for life.

2) Rock Star

This one is an upmarket fame academy. Because unlike David Sneddon and Alex Parks, who disappeared without trace but presumably lived a millionaire lifestyle for a year, this show gives you the chance to become the next lead singer of INXS. Yes, when they are touring next year, remember that they got their new Michael Hutchence off reality TV in North America! And if you're INXS, you've got concerts and royalties and audiences for life. Or until they sack you.

Maybe Noel and Liam, after they have their next fight, should ask Granada TV to find them their next bassist or something - its not going to happen is it...

3) Elimidate

The clue is in the title. Very much on the blind date theme, except that its 1 man (always the man picking!) and 4 'girls'. And its definitely not blind. They go for a whole day (and night) date, and every few hours, the guy 'cuts' one of them. So the girls basically spend the afternoon on the date slagging each other off, and the 3 that make it to the evening date (in a night club) then try and outdo each other with various loving techniques, some of which arent screenable.. and then the last 2 end up in a hot tub with him, exchanging more than words until he decides to pick the slapper.. (the slapper has always been picked so far - i watch it 3 times last week!) I'm intrigued too by his rational for picking. He dumps the fit phd student for not trying hard enough to slag off the others and 'compete' for him, then when its down to 2 slappers, picks the one that is entering some Louisiana pageant for having 'brains and beauty'. Now i'm no expert, but qualifications arent high on many pageants lists of entrance requirements are they?

By the way, this show tours different towns and you can enter on line (i'm reckoning Brian at least will be interested in that!).

Just 3 TV shows we wont be getting at home. And just goes to show that old saying is still true... 'only in America'

Sesame Street... for Sassy

For those of you who want to discover more about Sandford Fleming, i have attached a link which may work, and google.ca was also producing the goods as well.

The key people involved in these posts were Sandford Fleming, jo Fry and Sassy. Oh, and Sesame Street.

So in true SS spirit, 'CBC was brought to you today by the letters F, S and by the number 24. CBC is a production of the CBC workshop' (SS definitely did 2 letters in the old days didnt they?)

Note that i may not be arsed to go to such efforts again in the future, but it was (mostly) worth the effort.

Disclaimer: Any similarities to other websites or TV shows is unintentional and purely coincidental.

Today's number - 24

Today's number has been inspired by the lovely Joanne Fry, who is also doing something a little like this, only she is off to Australia in November to spend a year in 4 states being a midwife. Hmm Australia or Chelmsford? You'd all go, admit it. You'll have a fabulous time Jo.

So the relevance of the number 24? Well, some of you may have a favourite sportsman who plays in that number, or have a t shirt with that number (the nearest I've got is 28) or even have a favourite television programme with that number. Now i am not in to 24, not at all. I did watch the first 3 episodes of series, sorry, season 1. But then i missed a few and within 8 episodes, or hours if you are watching back to back (please advise if i need to explain the concept of this show to anyone..), Jack Bauer was being defibrillated or something on his deathbed. About a month (or 4 hours) later, he was once again saving the world, jumping over cars and basically single handedly keeping us alive. Good old Kiefer Sutherland. It lost a bit too much reality for me in the episodes i saw, surely the entire cast couldnt change so quickly in a day... but then again this isnt Eastenders, and every hour, Jack has to kill anyone who stops him from finding that nuclear missile... so maybe. I am open to it anyway, so maybe over Christmas i'll sit and watch a whole series in one or 2 sittings on DVD... anyone up for that?

But. Back to the number. 24. And the clues are here, because the link is in the TV programme just mentioned. The reason for today's number is the number of hours in a day. 24 of them. And yes, sometimes it would be great if there were more.

Jo was chatting to me on MSN and asking what time it was here, and in Australia, and how it was all so confusing having different time zones. (Sorry Jo!)

And here is the reason for this post today. You can blame time zones on a Canadian. In fact, better than that, on a Canadian from Peterborough! (For anyone other than my dad reading this, Peterborough is a town about 70 to 100 miles east of here, rather like the distance from Pboro to Brum at home!). So whilst Peterborough in the UK may not have had any long lasting effect on anyone (except possibly people waiting for their change of train or passport), Peterborough, Ontario was home to the man responsible for standard time.

Sir Sandford Fleming founded the Royal Canadian Institute here in Toronto in 1849, designed an inline skate in 1850, designed Canada's first stamp in 1851 (called the 3 penny 'beaver' - and apparently the beaver is the national emblem of Canada... how i may regret typing that...), designed 3 railways...

In 1879 he spoke to the Royal Canadian Institute, where he talked of the need for standard time, to assist east/west travel in North America. The idea was well received, and was universally adopted in Washington in 1884, with its meridian at Greenwich, London.

So there you go. Time as we know it. Developed in Toronto by a lad from Peterborough. And today's story comes full circle. See. More than just a blog this. This is education. Well, for me, anyway!

At 5pm Jo decided she had to rush off and watch Big Brother, which is presumably showing at 10 at home. Which reminded me of some of the differences between reality TV and home and here, but thats for another day....

Today's number - 3

Well they say that 3 is the magic number. And in the spirit of a diary of bean counting, time to refer to some numbers. So 3 is the number of laptops i have had since Thursday - one upgraded, new one subsequently broken in an 'incident', and the 3rd is this one.. The number could be replaced with 5, which is the number i've had in the last 12 months, but 3 in a week is so much more spectacular. Even when only talking about laptops! And yes, Brian, that is a lap top computer.

Also, in the spirit of free press, a correction. I apologise and stand corrected that Blackpool is not in the North Sea. I gave up Geography when i was 14, and when i was 12, tried to draw a map of the British Isles using the popular (in my school at the time...) method of triangle (Ireland) and rectangle (GB). My teacher marked it in 2 comments. Shit. 0.

I never recovered, and just last week asked colleagues here whether Halifax was 'local' for a training event. Sadly, Halifax is in Nova Scotia. Thats further away than the distance from London to Glasgow, and then some. Oh well....

18-22 July - Bean counting week one

For those of you who have noticed, and not all without justification, that i appear to have spent more time blogging than working over the past 2 or 3 weeks, you will be pleased to know that i left the house at 645am Tues to Thurs this week, and got home at 8 on Tues and midnight on Wed. Yes, normal work hours are being resumed.

My first week's work isnt finished yet - i have a second week to try and pull together the pieces from last week and assess what adjustments to numbers we need. Besides, there are no financial statements to issue opinion on, simply an assessment on whether the numbers are materially* correct. (* definitions to be provided on request or at a later date)

It would be wrong of me to bore you into what work i actually did. Besides, it is the same as the work i do every week. I look at numbers in a set of accounts, decide which ones are important (usually the biggest ones) and then decide whether they look as though they could be right or wrong. Easy. Just ask the guys at Parmalat. Hmm. Maybe not.

For me, all jobs are the same. And this is probably fair, since all companies, all businesses, all entrepreneurs are trying to make money and therefore produce a set of accounts to say how they did.

The real interesting differences are WHAT these people do to make money. That will never stop surprising me. For example, i have had clients that run gyms, that make barbed wire, that print the 'void' sticker on an FA cup ticket, that print books, that build houses, that buy and sell land, that make horseshoes, that make t shirts to sell in Harrods, that sell cars, that programme computers and write all kinds of software, that make lifting equipment for hospitals, that make fuel tanks for satellites, that investigates and gets you a patent for your invention, idea, product or even name, that run cafes, run health food shops and that sell antiques. And one that runs a fantastic bar in Lincolnshire. Insurance, motor, retail, maufacturing, engineering, surveying. Seen them all.

Combine with that the fact that all businesses have a different type of people, with different interests and motivations, experiences and expectations. This job is about numbers and money. But more than that for me, its about people and, quite frankly, being amazed at the number of ways there are out there to make money... It would make a fantastic 6 month career for any kid who had no idea what they wanted to do - guaranteed, you wont find the majority of these careers in everyday text books. "You want to build fuel tanks for satellites?" They'd lock you up.

This week i was introduced to a whole new business. The barriers between rich and poor are the largest they have ever been - equally large probably are the demands of the richest to spend a higher proportion of their income on health related products, as if the demands of the lifestyle they were living means that health is something that they cannot readily attain, that needs to be purchased, through food supplement, fitness coach or health centre.

This business is health business. I have heard that the products i was looking at retail at upwards of $40 a litre bottle. What is the business? Well, in the main, it is the sales of the juice of the Tahitian (from Tahiti!) noni fruit, which is supposed to have magical healing qualities. I have used the advice of my mate Hels and linked a web page to this site - see, i am providing an education for you all - i bet at least one reader hasnt heard of the Tahitian noni!

Various research suggests that this product is good for you and has health benefits. I was given a free 1 litre bottle to take home and try (you are advised to drink 30ml a day). The proof of the pudding is in the drinking and, well.... quite frankly, there must be tastier ways to fill yourself with that level of goodness. I am far more likely to agree to drive 100 miles a day round here, than to sink any meaningful amount of that (i still have it, so visitors should come and try it - hey maybe it will taste better as a 'mixer'!)

Just goes to show you. People arent always in to what feels right. They are in to what they think feels right. And when it comes to health, people are masochists. So folks, the lesson is this. If you have a money making scheme dont give up on it. Because, especially when it comes to health, people will put themselves through all levels of stress to make themselves healthier. Be it drinking carrot smoothies, sending electric currents through themselves, or doing 45 minutes on the latest exercise contraption.

So keep up with all your hair brained hopes and ideas. And when you need an accountant, remember it was me who encouraged you!

Do Wendys - do what tastes right

Ever had one of those days or weeks where you just cant be arsed? Like the England batsmen and fielders this week? I'm thinking who might read this. Amanda, Elisa can always be arsed.. Rog mostly, then i think we're moving to Sarah, Bec, Brian, Katie who can be arsed more often than not.. then Mark and Chris, who can be arsed a fair amount of the time, Ben probably a bit less than that.... and well Jing can never be arsed, probably even to read this! He'd better be arsed to file his company accounts before people come looking for him, that's all i'll say.

It may or may not have escaped your attention that i havent been arsed to type into here this week, and well, on Thursday night, having had to work til midnight on Wed because i needed to hand in my computer on Thursday afternoon, i just couldnt be bothered to even cook. Enter Wendy's, which is not as junk as McDonalds, but to be fair is fighting for the same audience. Thursday night then, i had a dinner date with Wendy.

Now Wendy is no different really from Maccy D's. You're aiming for the same quick fix of blood sugar and saturated fat. And hey, there is some good there. There is an argument that fast food kept me alive in Germany, in my final year, and at various times of the past 6 months. I'm assuming i can count that as good?

Wendy's offers at least 9 combos (thats 'meal deals' to the English). But in this supersized world we live in, it recognises some level of social responsibility in promoting healthy eating. So to go with your triple beefburger and drink, you have a choice of 5 sides - fries, side salad, caesar salad, Chilli or baked potato. And the drinks arent so restrictive here either. Any combo can be tailored to your precise health requirements, from the 750 ml supersized coke or sprite to minute maid orange, water and tea or coffee.

So I plumped for a double burger, which was square (a wendy's selling point, but to be fair just tasted like a normal burger), side salad, mineral water and small side orange juice. Practically health food.

Although, that said, the 2 sachets of dressing provided were defeating the object slightly. This wasnt dressing, this was drowning. I didnt open them, but had i chosen to, i would have covered my salad with 412 calories of additional energy, more than 15g of which was saturated fat. Mmmm. Nice. I'm no nutritionist, but i'd say that at 2000-2500 calories a day, (2500 is recommended for men i believe) thats anything from 15 to 25% of a persons expected intake of energy, not to mention fat. Now, where were those fries?

Also with the meal comes a nutrition sheet from the dieticians of Canada - you can find out more about them at www.dieticians.ca/eatwell . Rather like the breakfast cereal boxes in Germany from kelloggs, these nutrition sheets break down the areas where you should be looking to eat - Milk products, meat and alternatives, grain products and vegetables/fruit. I picked up the Milk one and the meat one. The milk one reminds you that cheese, yoghurt and milk all count as calcium containing milk products whilst stressing that 'cream cheese and ice cream are calcium poor choices'. Thanks for the reminder. The meat one was fairly self explanatory, but reminded me that 'to keep all meat and poultry (arent they the same?) cold, make it the last selection in your grocery cart'

Grocery cart? You can learn most things from friends, Seinfeld, the Simpsons and other N American TV shows about what passes for language here, but to be fair grocery cart isnt probably one of them. Its shopping trolley in English.

Which reminded me of some of the other words I had learned (mostly through asking for one thing, and getting laughed at it must be said, although not the pushchair!)

Canadian English - English
Off ramp - slip road
Pavement - road surface
Golden age - OAPs (over 65s)
Crib - Cot
Stroller - pushchair
skillet - frying pan
cook and carry pan - baking tray
paper towels - kitchen roll
bathroom tissue - toilet roll
garbage bags - bin liners

As you can see, my week has also involved me settling in to my flat and filling up with essential day to day items. Expect more Canadian to English translations sometime before i leave!

How are you? - comments you have shared with me over the last 19 days.

Enjoy. And keep in contact. It'd be no fun if there were no people to share all this with...

On Canada:

Take care, enjoy the sun or snow or what ever the weather there is like :-)

if you see any mounties with big huskie dogs take a picture for me!


Colleagues thinking I’m dossing

You've been there ages and the first day of proper work you do was last Friday! - I think I'll have to look into these secondment opportunities!

Hope that you are having a great time, not working to hard and making the most of you 6 months holiday.


Women – all from different people


P.s. Are the Canadian lasses attractive?

Can you comment on the quality of girls both in the office and around generally

Any tasty birds there chief?

You seem to be doing okay CBC. Long may it continue. Do you fancy anyone yet?

What you lot get up to:

My day so far has involved grave yards in large measure.

I was looking at was the way in which one French poet always personified Bad Things like Heresy, Pride, Avarice and Ignorance, as old women.

Weather here is boiling and the office aircon is bust. Just great.

Have managed one night off the alcohol in the past week, quite an improvement for me!


I foolishly signed up to do a 5km Race for Life in B'ham on Sept 4 or 5, so far I have done zip training

Off to a stag party this weekend - Clay Pigeon Shooting and Quad biking then beers. Should be good.

The police wouldn't let me back to my flat and I had to sleep at my mom's house


Off out for an indian tonight (one of the guys here is leaving), never been to an indian before.

I will say I was a good girl despite having offers from at least 3 guys

we're doing a bbq then watching American Pie or something similarly dubious

I am just finishing off bits of marking that have to be done before the end of the school year but in 2 weeks from now I will be on summer holiday - hooray!

I am currently on Finance training down in Swindon (no its not to learn how to pay off my student overdraft thank you).


Difficult moments:


He responded, "it doesn't matter what you're sure about" Twat.
Then he said, "oh hang on a minute, this one was a mistake by me."

Bit dodgy that morning - the two cups of water I had in the office came straight back up in the car park just after you left! What sort of freak throws up water!!

Sport – is this really all I’m interested in?

i thought of you today when somebody mentioned tranmere Rovers and I asked what they were.

Yesterday on the radio they were giving tickets away for a friendly match between Rot-Weiss Essen and Hibernia

Posh v United on Tuesday, I will keep you posted. Also have the hockey players stopped their strike yet?

been to the baseball yet? seen any ice hockey?

18 July - Hollywood horrors

Ever wonder why in the horror movies from Hollywood people always drown in the bath when they are concussed and the tap is still running? Its because the Americanised sinks and baths dont have those holes in them up near the top above which the water cannot go - therefore you can fill a bath/sink here as high as you wish, and then flood the place! As i discovered this morning whilst simulaneously washing up, eating breakfast, making coffee and singing loudly to coldplay ('message' - class song!)

Who said that men cant multi task? They just cant do it very well, thats all!!

17 July - Do something every day that scares you..

Now that is a motto to live by. Even if just weekly, monthly, or on your birthday, do something that reminds you you are alive. Must make you feel great.

Coming to Canada didnt scare me much, and hasnt really scared me yet. I'm waiting for all the fear to kick in. But today I did the scariest thing i've done since I've been here - i hired a car.

So, after an afternoon driving 150km in Ontario in preparation for work journeys next week, after several trips to the loo, a couple of panic attacks and 3 calls to the samaritans, i feel i can now finally reflect on the experience. Here are some of my random observations, about car hire, about driving in Canada, and well, whatever else comes out...

1) The spec of North American cars is based on very different parameters to ours. So whilst even my P309 (oh how i miss it) had electric windows and central locking, and a sunroof, almost all cars here have air con. They dont always seem to bother with electric windows. Its so hot (or cold, presumably) outside, that they dont use them with the same regularity. They are missing out. I taught at least 3 people at different traffic lights how to use the window to gain access to the exterior of the door, which you can use as a drum accompaniment to good music. I'm not certain they were impressed.

2) When in Rome.... i went through at least 3 red lights to turn right, and gained more confidence each time. Someone please remind me to stop doing this before I come back home.

3) When hiring a car, check you know what fuel the car takes! 'Gas? Is that unleaded or what?' 'GAS'. He wasnt joking - the shell i went to just had 'gas'.

4) When hiring a car, always ask if the car has been serviced regularly. I turned the key and a yellow light came on. I didnt recognise this yellow light, but after 2 years driving the P309, it will surprise none of you that i am no stranger to yellow lights, red lights (or flashing lights for that matter - Scribbles knows what i mean!) The handbook said that a steady yellow light indicated 'that the car may not be able to operate at its maximum efficiency'. Big lot of use that is. Any particular reason why it might not operate efficiently, you know, water, fuel, brake fluid, overheated engine? Help me out here.

5) Leading on from 4, i opened the bonnet (thats hood to the Canadian readers). I soon caught a glimpse of one reason the car may not be operating at maximum efficiency. The oil compartment (for want of a better word) has a screw top rather reminiscent of the top you would remove to top up coolant. I found it in my hand whilst looking for the bonnet catch. Fat lot of good its going to do bouncing round on top of the engine folks! Hey presto, once i screwed the cap back on, the light went out!

6) Some statistics about my adventures. 1 - the number of skids i did when working out how strongly to brake, and the number of wheel spins when pulling away from red lights (you've got to try havent you!) 3 - the number of (legal) red lights i went through. 100 - the maximum speed i did (km/h of course). 1 - the number of times i approached a turning in the left hand lane! Actually, that doesnt take too long to get over. 2 - the number of fellow road users who felt obliged to compliment my driving skills by virtue of a nice hard beep on the horn.

7) There are cross roads everywhere here (of course there are, the city is built as a grid). Unfortunately, and Ed pointed this out last week, where there are no traffic lights, you are obliged to stop at a cross roads and, if the way is clear, proceed (presumably with care, H.G. my traffic teaching friend will advise on lingo). If 4 of you are all at the cross roads at the same time, its carnage. I saw it happening in Niagara on Saturday, and today just decided to sit there, let them get on with it, and listen to them beep at each other as they drove past! There is only one word for situations like this. Roundabouts.

8) The roads here, once you're on them, arent marked to tell you what road you're on. For reference, any local readers, I was on highway 401 travelling from Toronto to Mississauga. But once you're on, they dont tell you you're still on it. So you have to look at the slip roads to make sure they are still directing traffic on to the road you want... trouble is, the slip roads are like 15 lanes away. These roads are carnage, there are blue sign and green sign areas, and there are usually about 7 or 8 lanes in every direction. Worse still, no lane is faster (or slower for that matter) than any other, and, possibly even more worse than that, lanes occasionally just disappear. I remember my first drive from Pboro to Bham and i decided just to do the 'stay to the left' thing, and follow the lorries. That doesnt work here. At least 2 or 3 times the lane just stopped! But its the same for the cars you are following, and people just seem to live with it. Nutters

8) There is no such thing as a 'quiet Sunday drive' around here. There was method in my choosing Sunday afternoon to practice driving. And to go with my method, was traffic jams for about 8km towards the airport.

9) They still have filling stations where the attendant does it for you! I thought 'its a shell, bound to be normal'. The guy comes out, wipes your window (he neednt have bothered, its been pissing down all weekend) and asks what you want. i resisted the urge to reply in the movie speak 'Fill HER up'. But I am sure I might be tempted over the coming months!

10) I bought a Toronto A to Z. Its not called that, but the guys back home will understand. How cool is this? I knew what address I was looking for (my client for Tuesday morning, because i'm organised like that!) Trouble is, because the roads just go on for ever, so do the numbers - mine was something like 7700. They have found a stunning way of getting over this. In the A to Z, they actually mark off on the cross road intersections what the number of the buildings will be, so you will instinctively know when you join a 10 mile road half way along it, whether to turn left or right. I'm telling you, that was worth the cost of the book on its own.

Overall though, the roads were good, they are much bigger than ours, with so many more cars on them. But driving is driving, and hey, after five ways island (which i am too scared to go on, as many of you know!) how much harder can it get? I'll let you know Tuesday.

Tuesday is also the day the beans start getting counted in earnest, so i may even have some work related tales... but not too many!

Niagara falls - wilderness with a waterfall - 16 July

The good thing about spending money in advance is you usually take advantage of receiving the goods and services you paid for - for example, many was the time last season i thought i would like to see the football, but decided instead to rest a well earned hangover from the night before..

On Wed night i had the foresight to pay $64 (30 quid for 120km, not bad) for my train ticket to Niagara. I just went for the day - after all, i figured that once i had seen it, I would be bored and would just want to come home - which is pretty much as it went.

Niagara falls is an interesting place, but you do feel for the people who live there. It is really tiny, Stamford (lincs) tiny, and the only relevance the place has to anyone is built around the fact that God saw fit to stick a couple of waterfalls in it...

The railway station has 2 tracks (not even platforms, so when you get off, VIArail provide you with a step), and when you get in to the station, there is one kiosk for tickets, and a timetable on a sheet of paper that tells you there are 3 trains a day to/from Toronto, and 2 to/from New York. Thats it. Doesnt tell you anything more, no intermediate stops, just an arrival and departure time for less than 10 journeys a day..

Niagara itself looks like a worn out place. It is clear that the 'downtown' area is kept separate from the tourists - its probably 3k away so I doubt that many of the visitors even visit it. There is a derelict Rosbergs department store as you leave the station, and a wander down Queen St, the main high street of 'downtown' Niagara is a walk through an empty wilderness. No one lives here, no one visits here. The entire place, you get the feeling, has only ever been put there because of that waterfall up the road.. Nothing flashy, no neon lights, and nothing modern or decorated about any of the buildings - city hall apart, which is in pristine condition and features a mock falls in its entranceway.

It seems even the resources of the town are not wasted on its own people. The town recognises its lifeblood are these visitors, and it would appear a huge proportion of any funds are channelled towards that end - informative, new signs all along the river edge as you approach the falls, various beautifully kept lawns and parks in and around the falls and amusements to offer respite for the visitors in pleasant surroundings - it is as though the 2 places are entirely separated from one another.

Niagara reminds me of Blackpool. Clifton Hill, which is a road leading to the water's edge, could almost be the sea front at Blackpool, with a collection of haunted houses, food outlets, pubs, amusement arcades, wax works, souvenir shops... and as you move further away you get row after row of motels at one end, and B&Bs at the other. Not sure if Niagara is the romance capital of the world, but i had been there 30 mins when i saw a wedding couple in front of a B&B. Even saw a B&B called the Gretna Green hotel. People back home might sense some irony in this reference.

Basically, its like a Blackpool because, in addition to the waterfalls, Niagara has had to learn how to provide for people to keep them here, keep them entertained and keep them spending - after all, you wouldnt travel to see a waterfall if there was nothing else there, and today I saw tourists from Australia, Germany, Brazil, Spain, Japan, as well as the UK. There is the world's largest indoor bird aviary, a waterpark, various rides for the kids, and of course, varoius methods of seeing the waterfalls, be it by boat, helicopter, or from the Minolta and Skylon towers that give you a view of the falls from 200+m above them. The Americans had hot air balloon on their sides. Always have to be better dont they?!

For me, the most interesting part of the day, as well as seeing how the town looks, was looking at the electric generation. The Electrical Development Company of Ontario Limited first built a plant for electrical generation here in 1906. 100 years ago. Foresight indeed. Interestingly though, that building has been left to go to waste, whereas in the UK i'm pretty sure we'd create a museum out of it of the history of water power (compare with Rutland Water back home) and fleece people for cash to go round it. Here, the building, and what it stands for, is gated up. Shame.

I'll go back to the place many times I'm sure. Its so close, and its a guaranteed visit for any guests. But i wont want to talk to tourists. Although i will gladly do the tourist thing, and take pictures from above what is a fantastic feature, I would love to know what the real people think of the place - blessing or curse? The tourists come, the tourists go, and 3km away, this small town called Niagara Falls sits and seems to stagnate. How would that make us feel I wonder?

Did you know... some Niagara falls facts and figures

Since I managed to impress one local at least (with knowledge stolen from a CN tower souvenir t shirt it must be said), and maybe someone at home, with the CN tower stats, here are some things you might not know about Niagara falls.. (where i was today)

1) Actually there are 2 falls. The American falls are 300m wide and 50m high, whilst the Canadian falls, also known as the horseshoe or cataract falls because of their C/U shape, are 800m wide and 50m high.

2) Niagara falls attracts 12m visitors a year.

3) The falls are only 12,000 years old and they started off somewhere between 4 and 11km further up the road from where they are now. If left alone, they would recede 1m a year. Eventually they will recede all the way back to Buffalo on Lake Erie and disappear.

4) It is reported that anything from 84 to 186 million litres of water fall down the falls every minute. Thats 1.4 to 3.1 million litres a second.

5) Up until 1951, this number was 6 million a second, until the US and Canadian governments signed an agreement channeling more water towards Hydroelectric schemes. The channeling of this water has slowed the falls movement backwards from 1m a year to 30cm.

6) Niagara falls is the largest individual supply of hydroelectric power anywhere in the world.

7) For $13, you can climb into the maid of the mist boat, and float right through to the canadian falls. Actually there are 2 maid of the mist docking points, one in Niagara Falls, NY, USA, and one in NIagara Falls, Ont. For political reasons (i for one didnt have my passport today!) they do not pass from one to the other! Why you would want to pay $13 for the experience of getting soaked is another matter entirely.

8) Niagara falls forms a border between the USA and Canada. There are various bridges at Niagara to travel from one country to the other - the largest being the Rainbow bridge.

My new home

So i have moved in to my new flat, an 11th floor apartment in a Condominium in North York. The 2 weeks in Downtown were great, they allowed me to discover the city centre from the middle... but finally i can unpack.

To be honest, its probably a 7.5 to 7.7 against an 8.5 to 9.0 Downtown as regards interior. But its got fridge, microwave, coffee maker, cutlery, dishwasher, air conditioning, ironing board and iron, CD player, Video, 2 x TVs... and a hair dryer! Not sure what that'll get used for.

Why lower than the other? Its slightly smaller and it has been furnished like a period hotel room from back home. Posh chairs and pictures that lend themselves more to decoration than function... but that said, its free, and its got room, and there is definitely room to accommodate visitors. Always a bonus.

And i am more than pleased. Because if the inside scores 7.5, the location scores a 9 to 9.5. Its situated in a complex with supermarket, pubs, 2nd cup coffee shop, bars and cinema. Even a sushi restaurant, and i did notice an Indian and a chinese across the road. Add to that the fact that it is 3 min walk from the office and the story improves.

Its a better view too. Although North York has some pretty large buildings (our office building is 23 floors high) it also has some really well kept parks. And a nice exhibition square called Mel Lastman place. I came along on Sunday just to make sure I could find the office OK, and they were playing a jazz concert out in the open air, which you could watch from the side of the pool/fountain in the square, whilst enjoying a drink or ice cream from the sellers at the roadside. It looks great, much more spacious than the middle of the city, and green too. There are trees and lawns, and it feels altogether less intense.

With the subway station also just 5 min away from the Condo (as they call it) its easy enough to get downtown anyway. The best of both worlds. Did i mention too that the Condo has a gym, sports facility and pool? Free membership! Its home for at least the rest of the year, and it will soon feel like home i'm sure.

Anyone fancy visiting?!

13 July - and the strike is over...

You all know of course what Canada's national sport is dont you? Well, according to the text books, its lacrosse.. Not that it gets much coverage in the UK. Not entirely sure whether it gets any coverage here either. You see, i've been here 15 days, and the sports stories have been

1) Federer dominating wimbledon again
2) Armstrong dominating France again
3) Kenny Rogers dominating (=hitting) 2 cameramen, he's a Texas Rangers pitcher by the way, and getting a 20 game ban and $50,000 ban. I wonder what Becks would get for hitting a journalist?!

But undeneath all this 'news' there has been one story bubbling away. The NHL 'shut out'. You see, every few years a contract is negotiated between club owners and the players association to define the shape of the game. Players want to get paid more, owners (unless you are Roman Abramovich) want to pay less... that kind of thing.

Anyway, in 2004, they couldnt agree. The owners didnt want to pay players (who to all intents and purposes were under contract) and the players wanted more. Apparently $1m+ a season just doesnt pay for that new cottage/pool/car/plane or whatever.

The result? Some guy, on behalf of the owners as far as i can see, decides not to run the season! The statistics? Well the shut out lasted 301 days. A whole season. 1230 games were cancelled, at a total revenue loss of $2bn.

Now lets put this into perspective. These are the biggest sports teams in ice hockey. But are they any bigger than Man United, Real Madrid, Chelsea, Milan, Barca and Juve? Oh yeah, not forgetting the European champions Liverpool!! Come on. What are the chances of these teams not playing? If they had an argument with UEFA, or the football league for that matter, they would just play and give the profits to someone else, or better still, keep more of them for themselves. These things are cash cows. Glazer knows it, and thats why he was willing to risk $1.5bn (albeit of some one elses money mainly) to buy the Reds.

But anyway, thats just to provide a bit of context. This thing has cost $2bn. And today they have announced that it should be back by the beginning of October.

The stats: no team can have a total payroll of more that $39m, and no player can individually earn more than $7.4m. Should keep the wolves from the door. (By the way, ice hockey has 6 players on the ice at a time, with a max squad of 20 per game, so work out what size squad you want, and work out whether you think $39m will pay for them for the year!)

Hockey isnt just important here. Its serious stuff. It is like football is at home when England are in the world cup. Its the major headline not just in the sport, but even on cbc.ca headlines. This has taken London off the front page tonight.

I cant wait to see it. They talk it up in Toronto, and Toronto hasnt won the Stanley cup (the trophy for the North American ice hockey champions) since 1967. They apparently buy success here. Their 8 most expensive contracted players will set them back $25m+ and the question now is how they fill the rest of the squad for $14m. So hopes dont appear to be all that high for Maple Leaf success.

But forget that for a minute. Imagine how you'd feel if your biggest pastime had been needlessly removed from you, with players suggesting that the stand off might even be years... and imagine how you'd feel, once resigned to the belief that it could be gone for a very long time, to get it back again. The pleasure in some people round here is truly tangible. And personally, given that it has goals rather than touchdowns or baskets, and the matches are low scoring but fast moving, i think its a 'money no object' spectacle for anyone visiting here.. i feel lucky that i may just get the chance. And there are a lot of people in Canada tonight feeling likewise...

What are the Ashes? - one for John and Graham

The first Test match between England and Australia had been played in 1877, but the Ashes legend dates back to their ninth Test match, played in 1882. On the 1882 tour, the Australians played only one Test, at The Oval in London. The game was a low-scoring affair on a difficult pitch. Australia made only 63 runs in their first innings, and England took a 38-run lead with a total of 101. In the second innings, Australia posted 122, leaving England to score only 85 runs to win. Australian bowler Fred Spofforth refused to give in, declaring, "This thing can be done". He devastated the English batting, taking the final four wickets (four batsman dismissed) while conceding only two runs, to leave England a mere seven runs short of victory in one of the closest and most nail-biting finishes in cricket history.
The defeat was widely recorded in the English press. The most notable report was a mock obituary, written by Reginald Shirley Brooks, printed in the The Sporting Times on the following Saturday.

"In Affectionate Remembrance of ENGLISH CRICKET, which died at the Oval on 29th AUGUST, 1882, Deeply lamented by a large circle of sorrowing friends and acquaintances R.I.P.
N.B. - The body will be cremated and the ashes taken to Australia."

The English media played up the subsequent tour to Australia in 1882/83 (which had been arranged before this defeat) as a quest to "regain the Ashes".

The trophy

After the third game of the 1883/4 tour, when the English team were guests of Sir William Clarke over Christmas, a group of Victorian ladies headed by Lady Clarke burned what has variously been called a ball, bail or veil, and presented them to Bligh in an urn together with a velvet bag, which was made by Mrs Ann Fletcher, the daughter of Joseph Hines Clarke and Marion Wright, both of Dublin. She said, "What better way than to actually present the English captain with the very 'object' – albeit mythical – he had come to Australia to retrieve?" Bligh later married another of these Melburnian ladies, Florence Morphy. When he died in 1927 he bequeathed the urn to the Marylebone Cricket Club. The urn itself is made of terracotta and is about four inches (10 cm) tall.

A poem was presented to Bligh with the urn and appears on it:

When Ivo goes back with the urn, the urn;
Studds, Steel, Read and Tylecote return, return;
The welkin will ring loud,
The great crowd will feel proud,
Seeing Barlow and Bates with the urn, the urn;
And the rest coming home with the urn.

Despite the teams playing for the Ashes, the Ashes urn itself is never physically awarded to Australia, but is kept permanently in the MCC Cricket Museum at Lord's Cricket Ground. It has been back to Australia only once, in 1988 for a museum tour as part of Australia's Bicentennial celebrations. In the 1990s, given Australia's long dominance of the series the idea was mooted of the victorious team being awarded the trophy. Instead the MCC commissioned a Waterford crystal replica, which is now awarded to the winning team.

In 2002, Bligh's great-great-grandson (the heir-apparent Earl of Darnley) argued that the Ashes should not be returned to Australia as they were essentially the property of his family and only given to the MCC for safe-keeping.

Home sweet home...

...is where i am off to. Having packed for the 3rd time in 3 weeks last night, and having moved from Bham and Pboro, the move from Front St West was completed this morning i am told and my keys are here, so at 6.10 i am off home to discover my new place. I am told it is less flashy than my temporary place, that it is an older and quieter place than the one I was in before...

On the other hand, it appears to be adjoined to a movie/restaurant/shopping/pub complex, so if I dont fancy it much, I'll be hanging around downstairs!!

Many thanks to Scribbles for teaching me how to apply links to this page, so i will put a few on there, might even change them round, and will guage just who out there is reading this by whether i get any feedback on the wisdom of putting the Peterborough United fans chat board on in a link!!

All I need to do now is learn how to attach photos to this. Scribbles may let me down here, but Fortune is putting pictures on hers on a daily basis, so she might know... got to get some photos first of course! (No, i havent bought a digital camera yet).

For the accountants amongst you, I have spent the last 3 days unbooked, not working on anything remotely client related. Instead, I have completed 16 IFRS learning modules. God they are dull. Sorry God. Goodness they are dull. But the certificates will brighten up my flat.

Off home to unpack properly for the first time in nearly a month, and settle in to 'home'. Expect news of my place tomorrow! Unless of course the NHL strike finishes. Thats weird. But thats a whole story in itself. One for another day.

So whats the difference between Canada and England eh?

... the answer is about 74 places in the FIFA football rankings, and probably just as many (in the opposite direction) in the ice hockey and baseball rankings..

But seriously, having been inspired to pose (and answer) questions about life, myself, anything by various other people in the last few days, I will answer this one today. Before i do, a quick hello to Rog (i promised him!), Liverpool fan for his sins and the main reason i am still working for my firm here. My little tribute to him.

So, i am advised that 'eh' gets added to lots of Canadian expressions and questions. I cant say i've noticed, except for the fact that they go for a nice bit of self mockery (hmm, that i have finally understood) on T shirts etc. Even on 1st July, you could see the T shirts with "canada d-eh" on them. By the way, Canada day was great, and really makes you wonder why we dont have such national celebrations of our own. Somehow, a jubilee every 25 years to celebrate the queen just isnt enough of a party..

But - differences. Oh yes. There are differences all over the place. From the cars to the language to the accent. I shall list a few - but before i do, i will highlight now that i only actually have one bug bear whinge. Only one thing makes me think this country could do it better (there havent been any black outs at the time of writing, so i ask for some flexibility on this!).. so here goes.

1) Driving
Specifically, driving through red lights. Its bad enough that the cars are the size of apartments, that gas is $1 a litre (45p - and they think thats expensive!). But those are just cultural. And besides, a big car leaves room for luxury. But there is no excuse surely for a rule which allows you to drive through a red light to turn right? Anyone? They use their horn a lot here too!

All this is breaking me into something of a nervous sweat, as i may need to take a driving test in Ontario in the next 45 days. This particular rant is my way of saying i'm sh*tting myself at the prospect of driving round here!

2) Spell checks
I do really need that Canadian dictionary. I read a good email once that described Canadian as "writing like English and talking like Americans". No, i still cant hear any difference between Canadians and Americans, but thats another matter! Trouble is, my computer is configured to US English, all my spellchecks and documents are US English - come to think of it a whole load of them are from the US - and i'm not sure what the answer is. I asked Kelly at work last week, and she didnt know either... apparently you can use both. This will end up bothering me less over the next few months, because if the last 2 weeks has taught me anything, its that i cant spell in my mother tongue!

3) French
Its everywhere. Honestly, you do it for 9 years at school, you travel 3,500 miles to get away from them and their language is on everything. Still, there are moments of humour. Je suis de Birmingham definitely being the best.... i'm bored to death! it gets better every time you say it.

4) Cupboards
Or as they call them here (apparently), closets. Except there arent any. Not empty ones anyway. Hmm, you could read anything into that! I have a kitchen wonderfully laid out, all brand new, with 6 cupboards. 2 are full of plates, bowls, cake tray, mugs and 8 wine glasses - who do they think i'm going to invite over?! - 1 has a toaster in, 1 has mixing bowl, chopping boards and measuring implements. 2 are under the sink and have the bin under there for any rubbish you might generate. So, 6 cupboards in my cool flat. All full.

Question: just where am i supposed to put my food?!!..

5) Fridges - thats where!
I swear mine is about the size of the average drinks fridge in a Woolies back home. Enormous. Thats where they keep the food. Bread (no bread bin!), jars, cans, tins of tuna, you name it, dump it in the fridge!... i'm learning to live with this too!

6) Washing machines
I had to ask 3 people in the office over 3 days last week how they use their washing machines before i tried using mine last week. You see, i've grown up in Europe, spent time in France, Germany, Austria and the UK blissfully of the belief that there is only one kind of washing machines.. there used to be those old fashioned twin tub things, but ive only ever seen one of those, and that was at my nans house.. but here, the thing is a top loader, and, as far as i can see, there is nowhere to put the powder. So you literally get the powder or liquid and pour it over the clothes... although you CAN do things in a different order. You can fill the washing machine up, have it going, and then drop the clothes in while its filling up! Madness. But since the proof of the pudding is simply whether the clothes come out clean, the result is a thumbs up. And since the water can be cold, this saves on energy too. Everyone a winner.

7) OK. here it is. My one bug bear. And its shopping. Well in fact, its price labelling. You see, everywhere in Europe (as far as i know), what you see on the label is what you pay. But not here. In fact, what you see on the label here is basically never what you pay. Once you start adding 8% tax here and 7% tax there to things, you've turned a $20 cap into a $23 cap. (Its a nice cap though, i really like it!!) The question then is - well if you know what youre eventually going to pay for it (as i presume locals do), then why dont you tell people thats what you're going to charge them? There must be reasons. For example there is a different set of taxes in application here to those in Quebec, although i dont know whether the rates differ. But surely it cant be that hard to price things on a 'what they'll cost' basis. Restaurants could do the maths, as it were, and add the 15% to the $15.99 pizza (mmmm) so you know you've got enough money.

But to be honest, there are hundreds of thousands of tourists in and around here, and they seem quite content to deal with it. As indeed do the locals. Maybe i should (indeed maybe i will) learn to deal with it better. After all, if that is the biggest thing i can find to complain about, despite the many differences, then things cant be too bad can they?

One similarity - just while thinking about it - they also have a free paper called Metro. But i shall come back to this. Thats a story all for itself, and for another post...

10 July - retailing. Them and us..

Have spent the weekend basically tanning and shopping. Although i am down to my last $300, i do have the small matter of a credit card with a $16,000 limit on it, so have been exercising it over the weekend at the Eaton Centre.

Shopping is an education. Surrounded by 300 shops, you can really get a feel for what people are like, what is important and how consumers... well consume. You can really get an education for most things.

Hair has been a bit of a problem child for me these past 10 days, what with my clippers not working and then getting new clippers which just werent cutting close enough - how vain am i?! i knew which shop I thought i would end up going to, but i took a scenic tour round a few stores to get a feel for the place i am staying in.

I went to a bookstore (they have loads) and immediately went to the travel section. Instinctively, i picked up a book on England which described English people as 'not as reserved as you would expect'. It also said that 'while there are millions that engage in the principal sporting interests of football (soccer) and cricket, you will still find many British people who partake in traditional pastimes like stamp collecting, train spotting, tea pot collecting and bird watching..' Jesus it makes us sound like a bunch of freaks. And were the brackets really necessary after football? No, thought not..

The other thing that stood out in the book shop was the 'new Oxford Canadian English dictionary'. Errrr excuse me? Canadian English? I am definitely bringing one of these home. I was intrigued to see what Canadian English consisted of, and sure enough, within about 5 references, i found the term 'dime store', which is wont surprise you is a bargain basement shop. It wont surprise you if that isnt in the real Oxford English Dictionary either! Hang on, I know the auditor of OUP, maybe i'll ask her to confirm for me!!

Musical tastes isnt something i've really got in to yet. I do have a radio in the flat, but i also have a TV with (as far as i can make out so far) about 75 channels on it. As a result, i've not really got in to music yet. But a HMV is a HMV, and they still have the CDs laid out in chart form. I'm happy to report that i already have 3 of the top 6 (Black Eyed peas, Killers and Coldplay), so on this basis it would appear that musically taste is not all that diff. I am somewhat concerned that CDs can cost as little as $10 over here (just under a fiver). But still, work will pay for 20kg of excess baggage so if i choose to extend my collection hopefully i will also get it home. For today, I settled on the new oasis one ($12) and old ones from Oasis, Blink 182, Coldplay and IceCube. That'll keep the neighbours guessing..

Shoppers Drugmart is basically a version of Boots. Probably better stocked too. Interestingly though, here in this bulk buy society you can buy a pack of 180 aspirins, just in case you have a really bad head ache. In the UK, i got stopped at boots trying to buy 3 x 16 piece packets to stock up for my trip. 'I'm 29 and i suffer from blood clots' did not make much difference to the good management of Boots, Queensgate, Pboro. I'm equally fairly certain that the 32 i did buy would still kill me if i ate them all at once - i can only assume that is the only merit in limiting sales.

I was also interested to see how the children's medicine market has advanced compared to ours at home. For those kids suffering from coughs, you can get 'cough freezer pops'. Yes. Ice lollies that mend your cough! And band aid plasters come in various characters, sponge bob, barbie, batman, spiderman, scooby amongst them.. all the encouragement a child needs then to go out and get ill, and then hack themselves to shreds... I think when i get a cough (its bound to happen) it would be wrong of me not to try out the ice lollies, just as an experiment. Not sure that scooby would go down so well in an accounts department though..

I went looking for clothes for a while too. I am still on the scout for a decent t shirt with the number 75 on it - all feedback gratefully received. I visited most of the clothes shops in Eaton, just to get a taste for local fashions. They are into baggier clothes than us, a combination of the surfing influence on one side, and the NBA/NFL/NHL tops, which are all huge also playing their part. But there are some good tops about, with some decent lines that suggest that humour is not dissimilar to that at home. Among the best ones (this'll tell you how bad my humour is!) "i see you have met the twins already' (girls top of course), ' i swear it is this big', 'you've got to lay em to play em' (they are obsessed with poker here) and again on the poker theme, 'poker? I hardly know her'. That one is coming home with me!

Most things come with a helping of french. Sometimes this is clearly wrong, like on the FCUK t shirt i saw 'je fcuk pour england'. But on the other hand, it can give moments of childish humour to someone like me all day. Like when i bought batteries for my new walkman. in french these are called 'piles'. Sometimes its great being able to laugh at such silliness! May those moments continue...

6 July - observations from 3 days at work

I arrived at work on 4 July - foolishly expecting that i would meet up, have a solo orientation to welcome me to Canada, before being parked up with some files and a laptop and told to start ticking.. after all, i've been with the firm well over 2 years, and hey, i'm pretty sure that in busy season thats what would happen to people joining us at home. In fact, thats what happened to me when i joined the firm in 2003. 10am, here's your laptop, 1pm, can you check these accounts.

Here, they have 800 starters a year into this office. Because this is not a seasonally dominated intake, orientation is every Monday and lasts 2 days - where you learn everything from how to book a timesheet to how to claim expenses, to how to read your electronic pay slip online (bit too high tech for me that!), how to use your phone and - get this - how to log in to a specific desk, so that everyone in Toronto knows where you are. This is some feat, as Toronto consists of 7.5 offices (I didnt ask where the 0.5 came from!). Basically, you can work at any of the 7.5 offices, tell the desk you are there, and your phone is automatically logged in for you to receive your calls. Not only that, there is an online map which tells you, and anyone else who needs to know, where you are and in what building. Big brother is watching.... Maybe Bham hotdesking has advantages...

I enjoyed spending my first day and a half with Rick, who is going into tax (R&D tax credit research) and Sunil, who is going into consulting. Sunil and I got chatting immediately about cricket! He is indian, and yes it did feel fairly weird discussing the merits of the Aussie bowling attack at 10 am on my first day in the Canadian office! Rick was telling me that in Canada our firm is considered one of the best to work for - 75% of people engage in firm sponsored charity/community work, and 1% of the profits are spent on good causes/charities. There is a full day late September, where the office closes for a day to allow all its staff to do something for the community.

The Toronto office also has 3 intranets. The GTA (Greater Toronto Area) one in particular is awesome. It has everything from classifieds, to the latest CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corp) news rolling through, to a picture of the traffic hotspots. You can choose the section of road you are interested in and see if there is a traffic jam on it... I havent yet discovered whether the existence of a traffic jam is sufficient excuse to do a runner from the office, but we shall see...

Other things you can do on GTA intranet are too numerous to mention, but two are really cool. One is the ability to set up any printer in the GTA area wherever you are - its easy, it works, and all you have to do is tell it what floor of what building you are on, and it finds a printer and prints for you! The other cool thing i havent tried out yet. Apparently all the lights are programmed to turn off something like 730 at night, and you can use your laptop to tell the network where you are and turn lights on in your area. I am so looking forward to having a play with this!!

But just when you get carried away, and start thinking that the technology and systems are better here than at home, you start bearing in mind the following -

- that the spell check is in American and therefore when you use a word like 'favour' in your email, it insists you are wrong!

- that the spell check default words are so dense here. For example, LLP always comes up on the spell checker. I can just about live with that, and, well, it is the same as at home. But the word Touche? Give me strength. Who am i working for here? If it is going to tell me that i am making a spelling mistake every email for the next 6 months then there is going to be trouble...

- Finally, it took 3 days but then, at 5pm on day 3, it happened! I noticed there was no pound (GBP) sign. When i said there was no pound sign they said 'oh yes there is, '#'. Thats a HASH. Do you read me? HASH. Like your keyboards. So i rang IT services and they told me that, as long as I was in word, I could do 'insert symbol' and add my pound sign. No good in outlook though. So for 6 months, my local currency is GBP. B*ll*cks. (i'm fairly sure thats the same here!)

But work has been enlightening and fun. And quiet. With all the auditors out on a week residential at Niagara Falls, I am completing Canadian Independence and IFRS e learning.And leaving at 530. Always a nice sign. It's been a good first week.

5 July - the CN tower

The CN tower (also known for political reasons as la tour CN) describes itself as "canada's wonder of the world". Its a pretty impressive building, and if statistics are still correct, it is the tallest free standing building in the world. Over 500m at its top point. Not that you'd want to be up there. It moves a metre in the wind. Nice. So the observation deck at 346m was fine for my first visit.

I went up there with Joanne Mullen (actually she is now married, and I've no idea what her married name is...). I met Joanne briefly in Germany in 1996, the circumstances of which are still a blur to me now. Sullivan, if you are reading this, she is also coincidentally the elder sister of Jenny Mullen (you know who i mean!) Joanne and i have not met more than 6 or 7 times in those 9 years, but randomly, it transpired she was visiting in laws in Canada at the same time as I was here, so hey presto there we were...

The CN tower boasts that from the 346m observation deck you can see out 100+km to places like Niagara falls... well you COULD, if you knew what direction you were supposed to be looking in! I have no idea where Niagara falls are yet, in fact the only time i've seen them has been in photos, as well as in Superman!! How sad am i? I think it was the original superman, where Clark was first demonstrating his superhuman powers when on an excursion with Lois... but i digress! I will study a small spot of Canadian geography, and no doubt be in a position sooner or later to actually look for the falls, then will be able to say whether you can in fact see them.

What you can see, however, is stunning. A great view of the islands and harbourfront on one side, and a huge array of skyscrapers on the other. These buildings are huge. Just 2 weeks ago i was with Phil Hill in Broad St and he lives on the 18th floor, and you can see more from his flat than you can from the wheel of Birmingham. Here, though, i was in a D&T office in Wellington Street on the 21st floor, and all you can see is other sky scrapers of the same size!

The other thing you could see was straight into the baseball stadium next door, where Toronto were losing 10-7 in 10 innings to Oakland (whatever all that means). I am off to the Rogers centre Thursday night to find out what it means, and to see how good the view in the opposite direction must be!

At 342m, just for the record, there is a glass floor where you can stand on top of nothing, and look out to the floor below. Needless to say, i didnt quite summon the courage to try that - even though a toddler in front of me quite happily strolled over it whilst escaping the clutches of her parents. Oh the blissful ignorance of youth. But i will have visitors, and more chances, and perhaps if i go before i eat dinner... we shall see. For now, thats 2 of my 25 things to do in Toronto completed.

Size isnt everything - 3 july

Size isnt everything. And dont let anyone tell you otherwise. But when measuring column inches, it is worth comparing what gets what coverage. I am talking sport here. And i am not going to whinge and say the papers are full of baseball, baseball, baseball, hockey (Canada announced its pre Olympic training camp ice hockey team this week) and hockey. Oh and tennis. Wimbledon was on or something. This is acceptable. This is Canada after all.

So anyway, i dont really expect to hear about either the rugby or the cricket. Except that, in my Toronto Star this sunday morning, delivered to my room door as ever, i was able to read about both. I got to read about 11 inches on how Scotland defeated Canada by 7 wickets in the ICC trophy in Belfast.. just saving 2 inches to tell me that England and Australia TIED in the Natwest final. Oh come on people please. This (Australia admittedly) is the best team on the planet, with some of the best players (McGrath, Gilchrist for certain) ever to have played the game.

Still it could have been worse. A page later i was reading how Canada beat Argentina for the 1st time in 15 years at rugby.... and the lions didnt get a mention in their match against the all blacks! Thank goodness for the internet. I dont know how i will survive without it!

Lost on highway 404

That was the fate of the tape of the New zealand v Lions 2nd test match, which i, together with about 50 others, had filled scallywags at St Clair hoping to see at 11am. Somehow VAlke v Blue Bulls, or whatever Currie cup match they rustled up, just didnt have the same meaning.
It did however give me my first chance to eat out. Now in toronto i could have eaten steak, could have had some of the best japanese or chinese food on offer (i am told this city has it in abundance) but no, my first meal out was a breakfast. I asked for a 'fry up'. We soon established that the waitress hadnt a F*$king clue what a fry up was, but once we got down to the nitty gritty, she understood sausage, egg, beans. and randomly, something that resembled chips. And 4 pieces of toast, together with tea that looked and tasted just like tea.

Beans were an oddity. They werent orange. They were red/brown. And mashed together. With ketchup. Hmm, beans in tomato sauce, local style. The toast came lightly buttered, which is always welcome, and with a side helping of jam. Again, not the best for making a nice sausage and egg sarnie. The Knife and fork it was not (Graham and Dan will understand this). But a good accompaniment to the rugby it was. The tape showed up at 1220, about 90 mins late, but to the cheers of the 40 odd who had remained. The Lions were hopelessly outclassed again, and we all went home. I think i'll go back there for the 3rd test next saturday too.

30 June - my first Canadian day

I had a few things i needed to do on day one. well, one thing. I had a bank appointment at HSBC at 2 o'clock. So i thought that i'd have a look how to get there nice and early, and make sure i wasnt late when the appointed hour came.

By late on 29th, it was apparent that i had a second thing to do - my hair clippers werent working - just not enough voltage around here - so i needed to yield to my vain streak and go looking asap. So 9am, i got up, showered, dressed and wandered off to the concierge to ask where i might be able to buy some hair clippers. "Isnt your hair short enough already?" asked Renee, somewhat perplexed. Touchee. Still, her suggestion was the Eaton Centre, which at least gave me the chance to try out the underground and also get acquainted with the shopping centre. This place is big - Jase suggested one of the biggest in N America. Its definitely big, much bigger than Queensgate or the Bull Ring, although i am not convinced it is as large as Centro in Oberhausen, and well, more to the point, unlike centro in Oberhausen, and the Metro centre in Newcastle for that matter, there is no evidence of a funfair. (Bri and I are still wanted in Oberhausen for coin frauds...)

So having had a first go on the subway, i arrived into the Eaton Centre. It was about 1030am. The first person walking towards me asked - can you tell me where the subway is? Having established that he didnt in fact want the food hall and did want the train, i pointed him in the direction i thought i had just come from "you go down there, through the doors, and use the elevator to get to the subway level" (Yes i did use elevator, its just simpler that way!)
The guy listened to the instructions and then said "are you from London?" Now, this is day one, and a good opportunity to establish some ground rules. If it were a primary classroom, you would be making sure the kids understood their boundaries straight away.. "Yeah, i come from an hour away" In the UK i would NEVER talk of myself as being a londoner (to be fair, they'd never claim me as one either!) but these people are commuting an hour and a half a day just to get here. Thats longer than my GNER ride from Pboro. Oh well. For the next 6 months then, i am Matt, and I come from just outside London. B*ll*cks.

I managed at the 3rd time of asking to find Personal Edge, which furnished me with hair clippers and a kettle. "do they sell black tea here, or an English tea, i couldnt find one in the shops last night.." Janet reached out into the back and found me a range of tea bags, about 8 in all from 3 different packets, and popped them in with the kettle. "the square ones are the orange ones and the round are english ones..." Just like home. The kettle takes 10 min to boil. its like being back in Germany again. Oh well. Fruit tea it may have to be. Or coffee...

2pm i had my appointment at the bank that had been arranged a couple of weeks ago via email. I was in the lift going up to the 6th floor when a girl spotted my Ajax top "ABN Amro - thats a bank right? Are you from Holland?" She apparently worked pre HSBC for ABN for some time over there. When the lift opened, she helpfully pointed me in the direction of Winsome's office, where a cheque card and various bits and pieces were waiting for me. By 4pm i was depositing cash in my new account, and wandering back home.

Having cooked for myself for the 2nd evening out of 2, I went for a late night stroll. Got back on the underground and wandered up Yonge St, the longest st in the world apparently. There are statistics to back this up, but apparently it runs north west all the way to the US border. One of you can surf and tell me just how far that is. It was 10 at night. This city is so peaceful. There was a spanish band playing in the Yonge/Dundas square (www.ydsquare.ca i think if you want to have a look at it) and all kinds of people were there, from ex alcoholics, 40-75,000 of which, depending on who you believe, are knocking about here this weekend, to mums with strollers (thats local speak for prams) all just sitting in the dusk air (about 23 degrees at 2230) having a drink, kids playing in the fountains, and all listening to the spanish music. all v cool. a very relaxed and positive place all round really.

wandering up Yonge st you find all kind of music stores, food stores, pubs, cafes, clothes shops, poster stores, internet cafes (one of which i am now in..) The sports clothes stores have baseball and hockey and NFL tops of course, but i did find one with some proper football tops. Liverpool, Manchester United, Germany, Argentina, and (somewhat concerningly) a green number with blue trim that I can only assume is the Oldham Athletic goalkeepers top. Christ knows how that got here. But I am not bringing it back, no matter how many spare dollars i have in 6 months time.

Day 1 was great. i really enjoyed the smiles of people. The people on the underground, in public, and so on are every bit as reserved as we are. I didnt really expect any different. However, they all seem to exude positive, smily energy. MAybe this was the effect of the Canada day holiday weekend, and maybe it really reflects how people are. who knows. But it'll be fun finding out.

29 June - my journey there

It was a stunning journey. The highlight should really have been the 1st class GNER ticket to kings cross (thanks John, also for getting me to T4) but it paled in comparison with my club world ticket on BA. I have heard DS for ages talking about 31 inch this and 32 inch that when it comes to aircraft leg room, but this wasnt a seat. It was a room. I had more space here than i did in my 5th form work carroll at Downside. The thing came with cushions and blankets and stuff, and i was basically lying back for most of the flight, watching the clock, trying to read a spot of Bill Bryson, and watching Hitch on BA's flight tv. It was the only film on offer, and it had its moments. The flight was great, immigration took an hour, and then i had a car waiting for me when i got there. It was just a car, some Lincoln something or other, but the thing about these North American cars is that they are the size of a small Harborne flat, so you feel like you are important...

The flat, when i was introduced to it, was a stunner too. I'm only here a week or so, depending on who i believe, but it has a DVD, CD player, satellite TV, gym... and most importantly, it looks out on to the CN tower. Here i was wondering how often i might do the tourist thing in 6 months, and i live next door to the thing!

All being well, i move in to North York next week, but it will be a bit of a laugh having this place while it is there!